Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Why's Everybody Hatin' on Hate?

    "I don't have time for hate," spoken with the most annoying and condescending of drawn-out affectations. Or, "You are just wasting all your energy on hating," says a well-meaning, but self-righteous (and mistaken) friend.  Why is everybody always hatin' on hate? Ugh, I'm so tired of it. 
     Are we so close-minded as to think that some human emotions are inherently better than others? They all evolved for a reason. I feel like I've become, ironically, some kind of negative emotions cheerleader, rooting on all those who dare to feel and express negative emotions. We need to express those negative emotions if we ever want to resolve the issues that caused the negative emotion to flare up in the first place. Expressing negative emotions also works as a steam escape valve to keep ourselves from imploding. It's hard to release any steam if our valve is crammed full of hippy-dippy, everybody-love-everyone nonsense. And it keeps us in some state of balance; the idea that every thing has an apogee and its corresponding nadir. Can we really love, without an idea of hate? Or are we destined to a banal series of likes and dislikes? 
      Hate can be a very useful emotion, that has gotten a bum rap for too long now. Hating broad groups of people: bad, hating racism itself; good. Hate can motivate to fight against such ignorances and injustices. It's a propellant, that can be harnessed for good. On a more individual level, hate can be the catalyst that drives us to make necessary changes within our own lives.  Be it finding a more fulfilling career, or cutting out toxic people whom we feel some kind of binding, but erroneous obligation to, for various reasons.  
     Without the compartmentalization that hate allowed me, I would still be brooding over childhood abuses. Hate allows me to place certain individuals, concepts, anything I feel deserving, into the "I hate" category, then I truly don't have to deal with them anymore, if I so choose. They hold persona non grata status, which renders them powerless over me. Learning to be okay with hate was the only thing that assuaged the heavy guilt that accompanied the emotional and psychological abuse I suffered through as a child, at the hands of my grandmother. I thought I was some terrible kid, who was probably going to Hell, because I hated my grandmother for all the things she was doing to me. I felt this immense guilt because I was "supposed" to love her because she was part of my family. All that guilt did to an elementary-school aged kid was cause her an anxiety disorder, depression, acid reflux, and later on, an eating disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Once I started to go to therapy to untangle all those memories and experiences, just expressing those emotions felt better, but it was the acceptance of the hate I felt, by my various therapists that led to actual progress. They let me know it was okay to hate that person, it was okay to never want to have that person in my life. And the guilt began to lift, like a morning fog over the Scottish moors, revealing verdant greens and calming lilacs. That's all I needed to see; "this shit really works." I've had a healthy respect for hate ever since. 
     No one should be subjected to those types of abuses, and if hate get someone out of a deplorable situation, so be it. Sure, it's not for everyone; hate is an acquired taste. And hate mixed with anger can be a dangerous cocktail. But quiet, thoughtful, passive hate certainly has its place.  Some people choose the path of forgiveness as a way to disassociate themselves from troubled experiences or terrible people, but that size doesn't fit all.  Others need something a little less conventional; the jungle path versus a scenic promenade.   Something a little truer to their feelings, and hate can be that solution.

Post Script:
     In order to adequately appreciate and fully understand hate, it must be distinguished from its nefarious counterpart: evil.  Whereas hate can be very passive, evil is entirely proactive.   Sure hate could seemingly lead to evil; we could mislabel hate-run-amok as evil, but I think the distinction comes by the process of which we acquire either.  Where hate is learned, or accumulated throughout the course of experience; evil is inherent, and is either thwarted or distilled with time.  Additionally, hate and evil differ in action and expression.  With hate, one would say, "I detest that." And would generally try to steer themselves away from whatever it is they detest.  With evil, one might say, "I despise that," which implies a veiled threat, like if given the chance, they would choose to destroy whatever it is they despise, rather than just avoid.  Evil has a premeditated component to it. There is plotting and scheming; some kind of active manipulation for personal gain or satisfaction.  Hence, why crimes in our justice system are differentiated into varying degrees based on the idea of premeditation. 
     That's why I have a particularly hard time trusting anyone who says they don't or can't hate.  It's a natural human emotion, why would they be exempt from that?  It's seems like nothing more than a cheap veneer, attempting to hide thier odious perversions through the reaction formation defense mechanism.  People sincerely lacking ill-intent never feel the need to attest to that fact aloud, and certainly not repeatedly.  But the "I don't hate" mantra seems to be the battle-cry of the miserable manipulator, the envious schemer, and the black-hearted conman.  There must be, also, a certain air of narcissism and arrogance, because they never really bother to think maybe someone is catching on.  Maybe it's egotism, or maybe their subconscience just doesn't let on, but either way, they tip their hand.  And certainly, not everyone is a mastermind.  Unadulterated stupidity could be the culprit too.  Most likely, it's some depraved permutation thereof. 







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