"Come on! Three games!" exclaimed Vance. "That's not fair!"
"That's not up to you to decide, Mr. Myers," Coach Donnegan coolly replied. "You're lucky I'm just suspending you for three games, instead of calling your parents. And further, you should be thanking me for not reporting this to Father O' Leary. I'm sure he'd be a lot less forgiving than I, if he found you smoking a marijuana cigarette under the bleachers."
"It was one stupid puff and it wasn't even mine! I got roped into taking a hit by Ricky and his dumb-ass friends. They kept taunting me, so I just did it to shut them up. And then they ran. I can't miss the match against Western Prep," he lamented.
"Listen Vance, I know you are a good kid, and that's why I'm giving you a break on this. But I can't just overlook it either. Sister Therese has informed me that your grades have been slipping the last couple months as well. Now you were her best student. I think you need to seriously consider your future here, son. You could be heading down a path where it isn't so easy to return to the straight and narrow. Has something happened recently, at home maybe?" his coach inquired, in an almost fatherly manner.
"No, no. Everything at home is fine. Just forget it, okay? I'll just take the three game suspension," his face reddening.
"Alright, good lad. Take your punishment like a man. The soccer team will be right here waiting for you next week."
With that Vance threw his duffel bag over his shoulder and huffed out of the coach's office. The truth was things were far from fine. Everything about Vance's life was in flux. It was his senior year at St. Francis Preparatory Academy for Boys, and soccer was his ticket out of the affluent, but lame suburb of Indianapolis. His parents had divorced a few years back, his father moving back to Michigan, and his mother, Jeannie had just remarried. His step-dad Richard was kind of an asshole, one that Vance now had to deal with every day. Richard had twins from a previous marriage, that had also moved in. Mitchell and Maryanne were fraternal twins, the same age as Vance, but they both attended the local public high school. The only time Vance really interacted with them was at home, every other week, when they weren't at their mother's house.
Mitchell and Maryanne couldn't have been more different. The only thing they shared was the same tall frame and sandy blonde hair. While Mitchell was a rather bookish introvert, contented to study alone in his half of the room Vance and he now shared, his sister Maryanne, lean and athletic, was the star of the school's basketball team. She was very popular and could have her pick of boyfriends.
Her long hair, the color of golden wheat, had this way of bouncing when she walked, as if to punctuate her every step. Her oceanic blue eyes could crystallize even the most jaded of teenage hearts. She smelled of strawberries and freesia. Her slim, tan legs seemed limitless under her blue satin, basketball shorts. Her soft and flaxen bush he could just glimpse the outline of against the thin, indulgent fabric. If he could just feel that pure, wet plunder, maybe just taste her intoxication...
"Fuck!" Vance blew his sticky load all over his stomach. He reclined back on his bed, as he had tensed and arched while sputtering to the thought of his new step-sister. He let the cum dry a bit on his freshly grown hair, before he cleaned himself off with a t-shirt Mitchell had left on the floor near his bed. He thought briefly about his only and ex-girlfriend Vanessa, who decided to dump Vance after he told her he loved her, after she took his virginity. He tried to drown out the thought of telling her he loved her after he came, that afternoon in her room, while her parents were at work, and her little brother running around downstairs banging on some pot he pulled out of a kitchen drawer. "What an idiot," he thought. "I'm such a fucking idiot." Vanessa had left him for Ricky, his rival on the soccer team, without a second thought. Each day seemed more depressing than the last.
*****
The next day, school was trudging by like sludge, as the clock itched torturously to 2:30. It was Friday, and since Vance was suspended from soccer until the next week, he had nothing to do but pray for the bell. Finally, it rung out like an act of mercy. He gathered his books and raced to his locker. He wanted to get out of there before he ran into Ricky. He threw his books in, and grabbed his letterman jacket with one fluid motion; slamming the metal into its tinny frame. As he descended the steps that led to the parking lot, there was Ricky and his Cro-mag friends leaning against the brick railing. And there was Vanessa hanging on Ricky's arm.
"Shit," muttered Vance.
"Hey Mama's boy! Heard you got suspended for that reefer! That's too bad! Hahaha!" Rickey taunted as he high-fived his buddies. "Guess you won't get to start in the big game after all!"
"Why don't you fuck off, Rick." Vance galled.
"Ooohhh, goody two-shoes grew some balls over night, huh?" Ricky cracked.
"Rick, come on, just leave him alone, you know. He's just like, sensitive, you know?" pleaded Vanessa.
Vance could feel the hot tears and humiliation cocktail welling up inside of him. As if he needed Vanessa, of all people to come to his defense. Jesus.
"Liddle Vancey needs his girlfwiend to fight his battles for him, huh? Look, I think he's going to cry! Holy shit." Ricky laughed and pointed.
Vance snapped. As simple and quick as that. All of a sudden he didn't feel like crying anymore. He really didn't feel like anything. He just felt like acting. Before he could second-guess himself, Vance swung on Ricky with all the power his broad frame could muster. He connected with the sunken left-eye of his arch enemy, sending him toppling over the the brick ledge onto the grass three feet below.
As Ricky's friends stood stunned, peering over at him writhing around on the grass, Vanessa shouted, "Vance, what the hell is wrong with you? You didn't have to punch him like that. He was only kidding," as tears now welled up in her eyes.
"Why don't you shut up for once, you stupid twat!" Vance snapped back, as he pushed through the gathering crowd and strode to his car; the Mustang his mother had bought him two years prior for his sixteenth birthday, and tore the fuck out of the parking lot of the St. Francis Preparatory Academy for Boys.
*****
As Vance sped toward his house, the adrenaline began to drain away and regret crept in over what he had just done. "What the fuck was I thinking? What the fuck, fuck, fuck?!?!" he yelled as he pounded his hands on the steering wheel. "Jesus, what did I get myself into? Now it's going to be ten times worse with that Neanderthal Rick," Vance bemoaned.
He pulled his would-be pussy wagon into the driveway, and killed the engine. He hastily pulled the keys from the ignition and got out. He wearily opened the front door with his house key and closed and locked it behind him. He needed to think. He was almost never home right after school. He usually came late in the evening after practice or a match, to a bustling household, filled at the very least with Jeannie and Richard cooing like newlyweds. But it was eerily still in the house this afternoon. His mother and step-father still at work, and the twins still at their mom's. Vance sunk back against the front door and breathed in deeply. "God, what the fuck was that about?" he sighed, almost exultant again. A wry smile curling across his full lips, as he relived clocking Rick in his arrogant face.
Then, as if a breeze of awareness had rolled through the door, he realized that he was drenched in sweat; the ripe, pheromonal sweat of a man at war. But at war with whom? he wondered. Ricky and his asshole friends? Vanessa? His parents? His Catholic school? Or maybe with a God he didn't know if he believed in anymore.
"Shit, I gotta take a shower. This is pungent," he laughed to himself. As he made his way up the adjacent stairs, he thought he heard a faint sound. As he approached the bathroom he shared with his new step-siblings, he saw the door was slightly ajar. It was the water running that he heard coming up the stairs. Who was home, he wondered. As the twins car wasn't in the driveway.
He peeked in the bathroom, instinctively, but the shower curtain was pulled closed. But he spotted a pair of Virginal white, cotton panties on the bathroom rug. It was Maryanne. He knew those panties. Those delicate, cotton bikini panties, in an almost unbelievably white hue. He had seen them in the laundry before, where he was so tempted to grab a pair for himself to sniff, to rub against his face, to jerk off into, but he didn't have the balls to go through with it. And now here he was, with Maryanne happily humming in the shower, he could grab the panties, freshly peeled from her nubile body, and cart them off to his bedroom.
He could feel the adrenaline surging through his body once more. "Fuck it," he thought, and ripped the panties from off the floor before could change his mind. He hauled ass to his room, closed the door, and leaned against it. He couldn't wait, he had to sniff his step-sister's panties. He held up the clean, cool cotton to his face and inhaled intensely, as he ran his nose along the gusset. "Jesus, even her pussy smells like ripe peaches," he whispered to himself. It was the most intoxicating scent, better than he had even dreamed.
He immediately got hard, and his fat cock began to rub against his stiff, black uniform pants. He unbuckled his belt, undid the button and tore the zipper down to slide the pants off his powerful thighs and onto the floor. He yanked his boxers down to expose his fully erect member. He wrapped the stone-fruit scented panties around his meaty shaft and began to stroke as he began to moan low. He made his way over to his bed, disrobing more articles along the way, and laid atop the comforter, never ceasing to jerk his dick with Maryanne's perfect panties. He was totally enthralled by this point, and was moaning louder, tilting his head back, while he closed his eyes and fantasized about his step-sister riding his engorged cock; the adrenaline coursing through his virile, newly minted body.
Then, after an unknown length of ecstasy, the door swung open and there was Maryanne, freshly showered and standing in a lavender-colored bath towel. It took a few seconds for Vance to realize he was being watched by the very object of his obsession. There was his step-sister, long blonde hair clung to her back and dripping wet, her azure eyes wide with shock.
"Shit," Vance sputtered as he came to.
"Vance, what are you doing with my panties?" questioned Maryanne, almost innocently.
And it was in this very moment, Vance was standing upon a precipice. He could do what he had always done, which was to wither, shrink, and make excuses like the sniveling nebbish his mother, the church, and his lot in life demanded of him, or, he could leap from the precipice; freefall, taking whatever breaks befall him, whilst enjoying that untethered exultation all the way down. That perhaps he could have everything he'd ever dreamt of, if only he renounced his every indoctrinated moral inclination. If only he finally gave up the Holy Ghost.
Maybe it was the preceding events of the past few days, maybe it was the way she purred his name, or maybe he had just turned a corner from skittish boy to full-grown man, but instead of ducking under the covers and silently wishing it all away, he embraced his situation as one of opportunity, instead of peril.
"I'm jerking off my big cock into them, sis," he said slyly. It was a gamble, but he just kept right on jacking off with Maryanne's Sunday panties.
This immediately disarmed the normally cool Maryanne. She didn't balk, or recoil, she just stood there, transfixed. It was in that moment that Vance knew he could have her. It was like every previous inclination he had ever had was absolute and utter bullshit, and the second he gave up the choir boy routine, the world unfurled before his feet. Sinners may not get to Heaven, but they sure have a lot of fun on the road to Hell. Fuck.
"If you want your panties back Maryanne, then you"ll have to come get them..." he rasped, never letting his dark eyes fall from hers.
Slowly, as if by command, she ambled toward him, clutching the lavender bath towel closed with one hand, nervously drumming her fingers on the hem of the fabric with the other. As soon as she reached the bed, his cock began to jump almost-imperceptibly with raw excitement. He grabbed her nervous hand; it trembled slightly, and guided it onto his granite member. She began to stroke his shaft with her long, delicate fingers. He allowed the panties to fall away, a flash of bright white against the navy comforter.
He felt beyond high; in a state of transformative ecstasy, but also this strange sensation of total control. Like two different parts of his brain finally working in tandem. He pulled her lithe waist toward him with a powerful hand. She let her towel drop as she fell into him, exposing her pert, firm breasts, her soft pink nipples fully engaged with longing. He arched up to meet her rose-hued lips, and kissed her deeply and passionately in the most perfect way, as he caressed her long golden tresses with his idle hand. She was kneeling beside him now, her teenage siren ass in the air. He slid his hand down her waist onto her tanned thigh, as he could barely wait to slip his fingers into her slick, utopian snatch. It was drenched with her desire. She was unbelievably wet for him.
She moaned quietly, at first, as Vance rubbed his thumb lightly on her clit, but sensing her pleasure, he continued unrelentingly, until she was beside herself in orgasm. He deftly lifted her atop his face as she began to tremble. He had to taste her as she rode the final waves of her first climax. Her pussy tasted pure, like soap and some inexplicable essence of innocent sexuality. He knew somewhere in the recesses of his reptilian brain that he would be a junkie for this exotic liqueur ad aeternum.
He slid two fingers into her vice-like, dripping wet cunt as he tongued her clit, working his agile hand dynamically in and out of her perfect hole, while she screamed, "Jesus, Vance! I'm coming again!" She bucked hard against his mouth as she squealed in rapture. She shook several times before opening her cerulean eyes. Vance was staring right up at her as she did, drunk with pleasure and power.
"God, Vance! You're incredible," Maryanne uttered, breathlessly, as she fell beside him on the bed.
"It's you my sexy step-sister. You turn me the fuck on. I think you should suck your brother's cock now, like a good little girl," Vance plied as he slid his hand up her back, onto her neck, and gently pushed her head toward his thick rod.
She obediently obliged, kissing down his muscular physique, to kneel at the alter of his mesmorizing staff. She kissed his stomach, then inner thighs, and drew her tongue across his skin as she made her way teasingly to his concrete horse-cock. She started at the base, licking in between his balls, moving up his shaft with her outstretched tongue, until she finally reached the head. She swirled her tongue, lovingly around the tip of his dick, concentrating on the underside, until taking him fully into her mouth, as she softly sucked him deeper and deeper into her wanton, slut throat. She was all the way down to his balls as she choked herself greedily on his relentless monolith, letting his head hit the back of her throat several times before slowly releasing him. She gagged and spit the saliva onto his cock as she jacked him expertly.
'She sure seemed like she had done this before,' thought Vance. He knew he was going to blow his load if they didn't fuck soon. "Get on top of me, you perfect little slut." Vance commanded.
Maryanne obeyed. She feverishly climbed on top of Vance's impressive dick, and slipped it in with minimal resistance, as he had opened her up with the first wave of orgasms. He watched as she bounced on top of his cock, her perfect tits followed in precise rhythm. He pawed at her tits and squeezed both her nipples hard until she screamed, his fiendish fall from grace nearly complete.
"Stand up and bend over the bed, my sweet little pet. I want to fuck you from behind." Vance commanded.
Maryanne excitedly acquiesced. Vance swiftly moved behind her flawless ass, and rubbed his leaden cockhead along her soaking slit, before plunging it back into her tight hole. He grabbed onto either of her hips as he drilled into his step-sister, mercilessly, as she screamed, "Fuck me, Vance. Fuck me with that big cock, you mother fucker. I'm going to come again, you fucker..."
It's then, amid Maryanne's cries of ecstasy, when he thought he heard a noise come from downstairs, but then again, maybe it was nothing, he rationalized.
"Get on your back, you little whore. I want you to watch me empty my hot load in your tight cunt, you sexy little bitch."
Maryanne climbed up on the bed, laid on her back, and spread her long, tan legs for Vance. He lifted both her legs so they lay on each of his broad shoulders, her ass slightly off the bed. His charcoal eyes locked into hers, as he drove his indurate monolith into her once more. She looked up at him; moaning with pleasure as he fucked her brains out. He was so close to cumming.
He could feel his briny seed pulsating from his balls, when the door creaked, and slowly lurched open, to reveal a shocked, and very erect Mitchell. The outline of his hard dick, clearly visible beneath the thin, khaki fabric, of his tightening pants.
There was no way Vance was stopping now. He was fully enraptured in this temptress' garden of earthly delight. He had already come this far, but not quite far enough. There was only one thing to do, corrupt yet another.
"Don't just stand there with your dick in your pants, Mitchell. Take it out and jack off, like a man," Vance dictated to his step-brother.
Vance began drilling Maryanne even more vigorously, as Mitchell unzipped his pants to reveal a sizeable cock. Mitchell started jacking his cock as he watched the blasphemous scene unfolding before him. He slowly moved closer and closer, until he was near the side of the bed.
"Do you like seeing your sister take this big dick? Huh, Mitchell? Watch me blow this huge load in her nubile cunt." Vance taunted, as he thrust his engorged staff into Maryanne's rapidly contracting clam. It was then Vance began to spill his diabolic seed into the sinful Maryanne.
As Vance shot ribbons of cum into his step-sister's soaked pussy, Mitchell couldn't help but blow his own load, erupting a splatter of cum across his sister's tits and stomach. As Vance drained his balls into his new little pet, he leaned down and began to lick up the cum Mitchell had painted across his step-sister. He cleaned every drop from her pert tits, and lapped up the remaining taste on her stomach.
And then the front door opened, yet again. This time unmistakeably, as the bedroom door hung wide open.
"Hey, where is everybody? Hello? Where are you guys?" Vance heard his mother call up from the bottom of the stairs.
He would have normally been terrified for his mother to find him even holding a girl's hand, but Vance felt nothing but the thrill of a sexual high and the intoxication that comes with absolute power. He didn't even bother to move out of Maryanne's swollen womb, as he heard the footsteps fall lightly on the carpet. Nothing mattered any longer, save for the hedonistic beast that must be fed. His long fall from grace was complete. Another once-sweet boy, thrust into manhood; fully corrupted and Hell-bound. Somewhere, Satan was smiling, as Vance's transmogrification was consummated. Another humanist for the ages.
Friday, August 17, 2018
Saturday, June 23, 2018
Land of the Free (From Shame) and Home of the Vain
On Donald Trump signing an executive order to bar families from being separated at the border.
Oh, you mean The President of the United States, arguably the most powerful man in the world, could have fixed this all along?!?!?! Or, even, ahem, prevented this from happening in the first place? No shit. You don’t say. In those first 100 days he was signing big, showy executive orders like his tiny hands were on fire.
So a few things: first, boy is this guy a slave to his image. Yikes. But I guess we should count our blessings with Trump. He can be swayed by appealing to his baser instincts, namely vanity. So at least that’s something.
But in a rather piquant irony, this certainly leaves those creeps who were justifying or defending the position of separating families at the border, flapping nakedly in the wind. Which if we can find any humor in this repugnant policy, it would most likely be found somewhere in there. When their head honcho of hate changes course to brush the crumbs off his sullied image, I wonder if they will double down on their antipathy or turn tail and dutifully follow their egomaniacal leader to save face. Decisions, decisions.
Sorry folks but Trump cares more about his status than he cares about any of you. Which on a rare day, when all the cylinders align just right on this enigmatic lock, something decent can actually be opened.
Two friends posts on Facebook in response to some of their Facebook friends being for the policy of separating families at the border as a severe deterrent.
Oh, you mean The President of the United States, arguably the most powerful man in the world, could have fixed this all along?!?!?! Or, even, ahem, prevented this from happening in the first place? No shit. You don’t say. In those first 100 days he was signing big, showy executive orders like his tiny hands were on fire.
So a few things: first, boy is this guy a slave to his image. Yikes. But I guess we should count our blessings with Trump. He can be swayed by appealing to his baser instincts, namely vanity. So at least that’s something.
But in a rather piquant irony, this certainly leaves those creeps who were justifying or defending the position of separating families at the border, flapping nakedly in the wind. Which if we can find any humor in this repugnant policy, it would most likely be found somewhere in there. When their head honcho of hate changes course to brush the crumbs off his sullied image, I wonder if they will double down on their antipathy or turn tail and dutifully follow their egomaniacal leader to save face. Decisions, decisions.
Sorry folks but Trump cares more about his status than he cares about any of you. Which on a rare day, when all the cylinders align just right on this enigmatic lock, something decent can actually be opened.
Two friends posts on Facebook in response to some of their Facebook friends being for the policy of separating families at the border as a severe deterrent.
Friend 1: All of you trying to justify this evil need to listen to these children crying. If you still feel the same, you are truly horrid. PLEASE DEFRIEND ME. I've never felt so disgusted by you.
Author Response: Right on. There is no justification for this level of cruelty and malice. Those kids and little babies didn’t do anything wrong. No innocent human being deserves that trauma. (And there are many developmental psychological studies on this very issue to prove it does cause severe trauma.) Anyone trying to justify this is a God damned animal.
Just when I think this can’t sink any lower, some ghoul in the Trump administration says hold my beer...
Friend 2: I’ve seen so many people posting "serves them right" comments and ridiculous shit like that. Makes me fucking sick!
Author Response: That is sick, really. I hadn’t seen that, but suspected it. I had posed these questions with a handful of specific people in mind. But to say children deserve that trauma because of their parents’ actions is unconscionable.
At what point are petty differences put aside for the greater good? I mean this is grotesque. How could peoples’ values be so radically different? Is there no common decency that binds the human race? At what juncture do we give in and declare we are a global society? Capitalism already preaches that sermon every minute and dollar spent.
Monday, June 18, 2018
And to the Banana Republic for Which it Stands...(With Liberty and Justice for Some)
Is this what you Trump voters had in mind when you voted for this
megalomaniacal moron? If so, congratulations, you’re getting just what
you wanted, non-white humans being treated like animals; round up,
sorted, and herded like cattle set for the slaughterhouse. Not to
worry, the unskilled Guatemalan laborer isn’t going to be moving into
your corner office anytime soon, not even to empty your trash.
Little babies, and children being torn from their parents and put into cages. That’s fucking lovely. Older kids having to take care of younger kids, who are strangers to them. They’re showing more humanity than this so-called first-world nation.
When former First Lady and soft-spoken, conservative Texan, Laura Bush comes out of retirement to denounce this practice as “cruel and immoral” and liken it to Japanese Americans being kept in internment camps during WWII, you’ve got yourself a real moral conundrum. Even Melania Trump has issued a statement deriding the practice. Who knew she would be the modern-day Eleanor Roosevelt?
No cameras allowed when journalists toured the facility in Texas, government issued video of the place, and Jeff Sessions citing the Bible for reasons why these atrocities can be committed with clean consciences. For fucks sake! This has devolved into a banana republic faster than I cynically thought. Oh, and who pushed for this ridiculous zero-tolerance policy? None other than Stephen “prematurely balding and everyone is going to pay for it” Miller. He’s the Josef Goebbels of the Trump administration, only without the sense of humor and good looks.
But what is the loftier moral question here, all derision aside? Should children be made to pay for the so-called crimes of their parents? These are innocent kids who are being irreparably scarred by this heinous process. What kind of monstrous existence must these refugees be fleeing if these inhumane “detention centers” (more like human puppy mills), are the lesser of two evils? How fucked up is that? Because according to the statistics, the number of immigrants trying to cross the border is not slowing, so they are coming knowing this is what waits for them.
Further, how would any of us feel if we had to have our children pay for our high crimes and misdemeanors? Every time we drove having too much to drink, took an illicit drug; hell, every time we jaywalked they were met with another lash. What about our sins? How about every time we told a lie, took a little extra for ourselves, or strayed from our marital vows, they got a little electrical shock or were berated until they cried. Would we stop the vices and habits that make us human?
Probably not.
These are people running from terrible situations of violence, poverty, and famine. They can’t all be criminals, you know, just by law of averages. But it seems rather piquantly ironic that this administration has no trouble abusing children to the point of irreparable harm, where they are more likely to turn crime or vice, in this creepy self-fulfilling prophecy/human experiment. It seems to me, that the Trump administration is setting out to create the situations they are supposedly purporting to prevent by sowing these seeds of discontent.
I have to wonder if Trump voters feel at all responsible for his policies? Ones he proudly touted from the podium during the campaign. I wonder if they have fitful sleep, or think about their children being ripped away from them for crossing imaginary lines? Were the tax breaks for the rich worth all this? Do they just not care? Or can’t they see it? Do they truly believe that every uncomfortable, disconcerting, or terrible thing said about Trump and his administration is just “fake news”? In an extreme and twisted group cognitive dissonance, manifesting itself to save face? Or that he is somehow beyond reproach, like the fat, toupeed second-coming of Christ?
Human rights abuses are the worst crime a country, government, or regime can commit. This is far beyond bilking money from naive rubes enrolled in Trump University, or selling cheap ties made in “Gina” while decrying the loss of manufacturing jobs here in the U.S. This is even several rungs below waging trade wars, propping up white supremacy, sexually assaulting women, or palling around with ruthless dictators to feel like a big man. This is really a bloodstain on our history. And real human beings, many of them children, are literally suffering at the hands of these heartless victors. Is this what you truly desired when you chanted “Make America Great Again!”?
Little babies, and children being torn from their parents and put into cages. That’s fucking lovely. Older kids having to take care of younger kids, who are strangers to them. They’re showing more humanity than this so-called first-world nation.
When former First Lady and soft-spoken, conservative Texan, Laura Bush comes out of retirement to denounce this practice as “cruel and immoral” and liken it to Japanese Americans being kept in internment camps during WWII, you’ve got yourself a real moral conundrum. Even Melania Trump has issued a statement deriding the practice. Who knew she would be the modern-day Eleanor Roosevelt?
No cameras allowed when journalists toured the facility in Texas, government issued video of the place, and Jeff Sessions citing the Bible for reasons why these atrocities can be committed with clean consciences. For fucks sake! This has devolved into a banana republic faster than I cynically thought. Oh, and who pushed for this ridiculous zero-tolerance policy? None other than Stephen “prematurely balding and everyone is going to pay for it” Miller. He’s the Josef Goebbels of the Trump administration, only without the sense of humor and good looks.
But what is the loftier moral question here, all derision aside? Should children be made to pay for the so-called crimes of their parents? These are innocent kids who are being irreparably scarred by this heinous process. What kind of monstrous existence must these refugees be fleeing if these inhumane “detention centers” (more like human puppy mills), are the lesser of two evils? How fucked up is that? Because according to the statistics, the number of immigrants trying to cross the border is not slowing, so they are coming knowing this is what waits for them.
Further, how would any of us feel if we had to have our children pay for our high crimes and misdemeanors? Every time we drove having too much to drink, took an illicit drug; hell, every time we jaywalked they were met with another lash. What about our sins? How about every time we told a lie, took a little extra for ourselves, or strayed from our marital vows, they got a little electrical shock or were berated until they cried. Would we stop the vices and habits that make us human?
Probably not.
These are people running from terrible situations of violence, poverty, and famine. They can’t all be criminals, you know, just by law of averages. But it seems rather piquantly ironic that this administration has no trouble abusing children to the point of irreparable harm, where they are more likely to turn crime or vice, in this creepy self-fulfilling prophecy/human experiment. It seems to me, that the Trump administration is setting out to create the situations they are supposedly purporting to prevent by sowing these seeds of discontent.
I have to wonder if Trump voters feel at all responsible for his policies? Ones he proudly touted from the podium during the campaign. I wonder if they have fitful sleep, or think about their children being ripped away from them for crossing imaginary lines? Were the tax breaks for the rich worth all this? Do they just not care? Or can’t they see it? Do they truly believe that every uncomfortable, disconcerting, or terrible thing said about Trump and his administration is just “fake news”? In an extreme and twisted group cognitive dissonance, manifesting itself to save face? Or that he is somehow beyond reproach, like the fat, toupeed second-coming of Christ?
Human rights abuses are the worst crime a country, government, or regime can commit. This is far beyond bilking money from naive rubes enrolled in Trump University, or selling cheap ties made in “Gina” while decrying the loss of manufacturing jobs here in the U.S. This is even several rungs below waging trade wars, propping up white supremacy, sexually assaulting women, or palling around with ruthless dictators to feel like a big man. This is really a bloodstain on our history. And real human beings, many of them children, are literally suffering at the hands of these heartless victors. Is this what you truly desired when you chanted “Make America Great Again!”?
Friday, May 11, 2018
Humor: The Badge of Shame
Is 'Ladies Lingerie' a Harmless Joke or Harassment?
Yeesh. I really can't rail against the idea that women are supposed to infantilized and/or treated as precious, overly sensitive, shrinking violets enough. If I was in an elevator and an old man said "Women's lingerie," when asked what floor, I would have found it funny, and laughed. And if some kind of off-color, but innocuous joke was told, and I didn't think it was funny, I would just roll my eyes and groan; possibly make a smart-ass retort. That's about it. I wouldn't seek a higher-up to immediately report it to. This isn't sexual harassment, or assault, or even offensive. It's just silly. It's a throwaway joke, something to lighten an awkward situation, of humans crammed in confined space, hurling up and down on some machine. Shit like this makes my defenses go up. Like I feel like *I* should apologize, like I'm some sort of spokesperson for my gender, "Oh no, we're not all humorless, hysterical crybabies! Really, I promise!"
And coming to some kinds of absurd decision (by academic committee, no less!) that the guy has to apologize or else, is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard a group of scholars come up with. Yeah, forced apologies are sooooo meaningful...For fuck's sake. Why does this woman want or need a phony apology? And why would a committee of supposed academics ask for a gesture so hollow? Everything about this case is ridiculous and annoying. This woman offends me with her offense at trivial bullshit. Does she now owe me an apology? Apologize or face sanctions, lady!
And since when, is every human being responsible for the emotional welfare of every other human being? What a ludicrous and impossible notion. There isn't an ounce of realism in that idea. This type of trite outrage not only distracts for much greater problems, but it seeks to gag free speech, creativity, or anything that runs afoul of the status quo. Which are the first few steps toward fascism. On it's face, it seems a lot like prior restraint by way of thought policing; preemptive censorship.
Michelle Wolf totally nails the White House Correspondents Dinner jokes; people are outraged and offended. This male professor repeats some time-worn joke about department store floors; people are outraged and offended. I guess humor is a no-win situation. Unless the sarcastics, dry wits, and smart-asses of the world rebel against this type of censorship, people like me, who get their outlet and therapy through laughter and humor, and who like to ruffle a few feathers, are pretty much fucked. Get in the rank and file, or else.
Further, I'm doubly tired of women having to pretend not to be sexual. To defend some imaginary honor or long-gone chastity. That shit is oppressive. Ooh, the joke had a mild, and vague "sexual innuendo." As if women have never heard of lingerie, worn it, nor ever heard of the vile act of sexual intercourse before that eye-popping elevator ride. Fucking eyeroll, man. As Dave Chappelle, comedy genius, points out in the Me Too era, "That's a brittle-ass spirit." If all these folks have to worry about is litigating an off-hand joke, what a luxurious existence they must lead! Or alternately, how fragile these delicate orchids must be to wilt under the slightest perceived provocation.
I think about sex, oh I don't know, like 75% of the time. Should I be made to feel bad for that, or should I say worse than I have already been made to feel for that? By certain individuals and an overriding sense of collective societal mores. And why does everything that even approaches sex or sexuality have to be dirty or conjure negative connotations? Can't it be romantic, or loving, or sweet?
Or just fucking indifferent?
I hate to burst the pearl-clutching puritans bubble, but sex makes this world go round. We all got here the same way: our parents fucking. Sex is precisely how this planet became populated by the very people that want to pretend it doesn't exist. The only word for that is absurd.
Yeesh. I really can't rail against the idea that women are supposed to infantilized and/or treated as precious, overly sensitive, shrinking violets enough. If I was in an elevator and an old man said "Women's lingerie," when asked what floor, I would have found it funny, and laughed. And if some kind of off-color, but innocuous joke was told, and I didn't think it was funny, I would just roll my eyes and groan; possibly make a smart-ass retort. That's about it. I wouldn't seek a higher-up to immediately report it to. This isn't sexual harassment, or assault, or even offensive. It's just silly. It's a throwaway joke, something to lighten an awkward situation, of humans crammed in confined space, hurling up and down on some machine. Shit like this makes my defenses go up. Like I feel like *I* should apologize, like I'm some sort of spokesperson for my gender, "Oh no, we're not all humorless, hysterical crybabies! Really, I promise!"
And coming to some kinds of absurd decision (by academic committee, no less!) that the guy has to apologize or else, is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard a group of scholars come up with. Yeah, forced apologies are sooooo meaningful...For fuck's sake. Why does this woman want or need a phony apology? And why would a committee of supposed academics ask for a gesture so hollow? Everything about this case is ridiculous and annoying. This woman offends me with her offense at trivial bullshit. Does she now owe me an apology? Apologize or face sanctions, lady!
And since when, is every human being responsible for the emotional welfare of every other human being? What a ludicrous and impossible notion. There isn't an ounce of realism in that idea. This type of trite outrage not only distracts for much greater problems, but it seeks to gag free speech, creativity, or anything that runs afoul of the status quo. Which are the first few steps toward fascism. On it's face, it seems a lot like prior restraint by way of thought policing; preemptive censorship.
Michelle Wolf totally nails the White House Correspondents Dinner jokes; people are outraged and offended. This male professor repeats some time-worn joke about department store floors; people are outraged and offended. I guess humor is a no-win situation. Unless the sarcastics, dry wits, and smart-asses of the world rebel against this type of censorship, people like me, who get their outlet and therapy through laughter and humor, and who like to ruffle a few feathers, are pretty much fucked. Get in the rank and file, or else.
Further, I'm doubly tired of women having to pretend not to be sexual. To defend some imaginary honor or long-gone chastity. That shit is oppressive. Ooh, the joke had a mild, and vague "sexual innuendo." As if women have never heard of lingerie, worn it, nor ever heard of the vile act of sexual intercourse before that eye-popping elevator ride. Fucking eyeroll, man. As Dave Chappelle, comedy genius, points out in the Me Too era, "That's a brittle-ass spirit." If all these folks have to worry about is litigating an off-hand joke, what a luxurious existence they must lead! Or alternately, how fragile these delicate orchids must be to wilt under the slightest perceived provocation.
I think about sex, oh I don't know, like 75% of the time. Should I be made to feel bad for that, or should I say worse than I have already been made to feel for that? By certain individuals and an overriding sense of collective societal mores. And why does everything that even approaches sex or sexuality have to be dirty or conjure negative connotations? Can't it be romantic, or loving, or sweet?
Or just fucking indifferent?
I hate to burst the pearl-clutching puritans bubble, but sex makes this world go round. We all got here the same way: our parents fucking. Sex is precisely how this planet became populated by the very people that want to pretend it doesn't exist. The only word for that is absurd.
Saturday, January 13, 2018
Jack of Hearts: Part I, II, & III
Bob Dylan- Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts
Part I- Real Sext
August 23rd, 10:06 PM
B: Totally thinking of the last time we made love. Like the way your bracelets jangle when you make me cum...
D: My cock is still big and fat, wanting to slam your tight little girl pussy with the ghetto booty to cushion the driving and pumping!!!!
B: I wish your fat cock was fucking my tight little hole right now, daddy, making me fucking scream for mercy.
D: That's what you need! You should just let me get my anger out by making you cum screaming and me throwing you around and controlling you with my hands... This is another reason we should always be together!!:-p
B: Take all your aggression out on my soaking wet little pussy. Dominate me, order me around like your little slut girl. I’ll do anything for my daddy’s cum. I want your cum all over me.
D: I know what you need you little slut and so you'll do what I tell you and I will cum all over you and You'll love it! So cum and take your punishment and submit...
B: I do need to be punished, daddy. I’ve been such a bad little slut. So insolent and insubordinate. You need to take me over your knee and show me who’s boss. Shove your fat cock down my throat. Whatever you want. I’m so wet for you alone.
D: You fucking little wet whore, you'll never be satisfied without my huge veiny throbbing cock in your mouth while I push your head down till you choke on it All, I should just bend you over my knee and jam my finger into you till you scream and tell your only Daddy and Master that you Love him only forever while you sit that fat booty on my face and rub your swollen clit.
Sit that fat ass on my face!
B: This is so hot... Your cock is the only thing that makes me happy. And the only thing that makes me cum so fucking hard over and over. I’m your little cum slut. I wish you were feeding me that big dick right now; fucking my face, while I rub my little slit in anticipation for that granite horse-cock.
D: I'm soo hard and I would force you to take it really rough and deep and fuck you like an animal. Bite your ass while I feel your soft little hairs on my nose while I tongue fuck you before I squirt all over your face!
Did you cum for your Daddy yet slut?
B: I need to be fucked rough, to put me back in line for being such a bad girl to my daddy. I need my daddy’s cock as punishment. I’m about to come right now, Daddy.
D: I'm your Master and I'm going to abuse your sweet Cunt!
B: Oh my God!!!!! Fuck yes, Daddy. Your cock is huge! It looks so good. I just came so hard, baby.
D: Good you nasty little Slut! I need your soaking wet cunt lips spread over my face while you sit and smother me and stroke Daddy's huge staff!
B: I’ll do whatever my daddy wants to make him cum. All I want is your hot load shooting all over my face.
D: I wanna kiss your painted toes while you grab my horse-cock and stick the big head between your wet slutty pink lips! Cum and get you face all full of cum pools you nasty slut... Your Daddy's little slut you better remember that! I wanna make you Scream right now!!
And You Will do what ever I want if you always want my cum! Right slut?! How much cum do you want? Submit my beautiful bitch: and love all of it!!!!!
I wanna watch you Fuck yourself with a big dildo while I stick my big cock down your throat!!
B: Holy. Shit. I totally came again!!!
D: Good Girl! That's how juicy and willing my little slut is! Keep going my nasty little daughter, Daddy needs your pulsing hole!!!!!!!
I need to hurt that wet pussy with all the inches Daddy has to give his perfect slut!
August 25th 11:50 PM
D: My dick is so long and Hard! I need to shove it down your throat and rape your tight little pussy!:-p
B: I rubbed my wet little slit dreaming of my sexy Daddy and his rock hard cock, this afternoon. I came rereading your super hot texts...Twice.
I love my Daddy very much, and only feel good when I am pleasing him, in every way.
I’m truly your submissive little slut.
D: Good Girl, you are Daddy's perfect little slut.
I need to worship and abuse my little slut and watch her finger herself while I lick around her lips and clit!!
I need to cum all over you!:-p
B: I want all your cum any where my Daddy wants to shoot it.
D:You are the most beautiful and sexy baby, I need you:)!!!!!!!!
August 26th 9:15 AM
B: My panties are so wet thinking about you. I’m playing with my little pussy again dreaming about you Daddy. And that big horse cock of yours. I’m fantasizing all kinds of filthy things you could do to me.
D: I can't Wait!! I need to hear you scream while I pound you with your pussy juice all over my long swollen horse cock!!! Mmmmm
B: I wish your fat cock was fucking my soaking wet pussy right now. I know I’d be coming over and over on that big dick. I’m so hot for you.
I want to be your obedient little slut and a good girl for my daddy. Give him whatever dirty thing he wants.
D: Me too sexy slut, my love, I want to so bad!!!:) Good girl, you are Daddy's perfect little slut and I have some things for you to do now!!
B: Order me around. Make me worship your cock.
D: Yes and I wanna get a big dildo to fuck yourself while I face fuck you and get ready to punish your soaking pussy hard!!
B: Whatever my daddy wants! I just want to make my daddy happy. I can’t wait to taste that fat cock in my mouth. It’s been so long since I’ve had daddy’s big cock shoved down my throat... I need it to be a happy, submissive girl for my darling Daddy.
D: I was watching some porn and dreaming that the girl was sucking my cock like you do! Only you can Take me all down your throat!! Confession: I love it when you choke on it!
I need to see you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)
B: Good, I love gagging on your big hard cock. It gets me so excited.
D: I swear you have made it Bigger
B: My favorite is when you are standing up and I’m on my knees. Or kneeling over me while I’m laying down.
D: When are you cumming to submit to my cock??????
B: God, I wish I could right now.
D: Me too!!!!!!:) so bad, I miss you sooooooo much!!!!!!! Can a guy get a smiley face or two from the girl he loves?? Lol
B: Baby, you’re getting so much more than emojis! ;)
D: I know I feel it! I just wanna hear how you love me and make you laugh a bit:) I have so much love for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need some love and pussy emojis lol!!!
August 26th 7:28 PM
D: I just got into the second cologne: Monte Blanc Noir, you have to check it out and see if you like it, I do :)
B: I miss the way you smell so fucking much. God. That’s irresistible too...
I know as soon as I see you, and smell you, I’m going to want your hands all over me. And your kisses and, your snuggles, and your big, fat...
It’s not fair! How much you make me lose control. ;)
D: You have the same affect on me! So it is fair!:) bring your shirt and I can smell it up for you! BTW you know deep down that we were meant for each other!! We need to count our blessings!:):)
B: You’re so fucking romantic on top of it all! You drive me wild. Quite literally, sometimes.
D: You are so romantic too :) don't worry I'm gonna get you back and make you feel so good and we will look back and laugh! I love my special baby girl!!
August 27th 11:02 PM
D: I can't wait to get you drunk again and fuck Daddy's perfect little pussy till you are helpless and out there, while you gush all over my long cock going in and out of you hard!
B: Oh my God, Daddy. All I do is fantasize about you and your fat cock all day and rub my soaking wet little pussy for you.
I’m wet right now thinking about it while I’m out at a concert. I can’t stop thinking about Daddy’s big cock and how good he fucks his little girl.
D: :) good girl, I hope you are having fun
B: Not as much fun as I have when my Daddy loves me and fucks me...
D: That what I want my girl to tell her Daddy, he loves you to death and wants to possess you fully, and drink his drink while he licks your dripping pussy! The taste together would be Awesome!!:-p:-p
Sorry for the dumb typos but all my blood is in My Horse Cock!
We need to order a big dildo so Daddy can rape you with it and lick it clean while you jam my Hard meat down your wanton throat! Right slut?!!
B: Of course Daddy! Whatever pleases you is what I want! I would love very much for Daddy to fuck both my throat and pussy simultaneously. ;)This all sounds so hot, Daddy!
D: You are my perfect girl Baby!:) Don't forget it!!! PS, I love the scent of your pussy it drives me crazy! I wish I had your panties if not you to smell and cum on!! Mmmmm heheheee
B: That’s funny because I seriously love the smell of your cock. It always smell so fucking clean like soap, but also somehow pheromonal, like sex to come. It’s the best. I could almost smell it when you sent me that dick pic. I came this morning to that picture...
D: Also :) we are going to to all of that and more but I need you here to grab and hold down, silly! I'd ball gag you but I LOVE the sounds you make and what you say!! But maybe we need nipple clamps too?? Lol:-p
B: Oh my god, one of the extemporaneous fantasies I had about you while I was masturbating, was you fucking while you held down one of those big Hitachi vibrators on my clit, and made me cum over and over again on your cock. I almost forgot about that little closing gem! That sent me over the edge, as I recall.
D: I love when I pull out and you suck your pussy juice off my cock so I can get more!! We need to shop together my little girl:)
B: Cleaning Daddy’s cock is my favorite, favorite thing. It makes me feel like such a good, submissive little slut for you. I love worshiping at the altar of my Daddy’s thick cock.
D: I love you more than words can say my darling sub slut!! You talk big but you better cum and get on your knees and worship it and stop wasting your time...
B: Ha! Please. You know what a submissive, good girl I am, Daddy! You know I’m not just talking trash. I’ve sucked Daddy’s cock so many times, and let him fuck my little girl pussy whenever he wants it. I’ll show you, Daddy. Don’t you worry. I can’t wait for my Daddy’s hot load all over his submissive little slut bitch.
D: Cum give me more baby girl slut! I want to cum on you and my cock got even Harder when you called yourself the hot little slut bitch that you are! You are Daddy's fantasy. Period.
B: You are my fantasy, Daddy! I’m always dreaming about you, and the things I can do to make my Daddy happy. I love my Daddy so much! You make me soak through my lacy panties. I always want to make your cock hard, and please you, and satisfy you, and love you. I want to be your good girl, always.
Sometimes I get out of line and I just need Daddy’s cock to give me an attitude adjustment. To fuck me into submission.
D: It’s all good, my love. I need you my sweet loving romantic sugar pie! :)
You need to take off your wet panties for Daddy and wrap them around his swollen shaft and suck on his throbbing head and look up and tell him you love your Daddy! Mmmmm
I love you precious darling, night night:)
B: I can’t wait to please my Daddy! I love you. Night night.
August 29th 12:34 PM
D: We have to drink our champagne so I can fuck you
with the bottle!!:-p yummy
B: Hey! I thought no sexy talk until we can actually have sex! :P
D: I had that one saved since yesterday, sorry lol see you don't even know what you've been missing!:-p
B:I keep looking at that picture you sent me of your cock... It looks so fucking big and thick. I want to taste it so badly. It looks so beautiful and perfect and huge. I want my Daddy to fuck me with that mammoth cock; slap me around with it. Make me his submissive little girl for it.
I can’t wait. I can’t wait for you to fuck me. And I can’t wait to tell my daddy how much I love him and thank him for fucking his little girl so good and making me cum so many times.
August 30th 1:19 AM
D: PS Daddy's Big Fat Cock is throbbing for his little submissive baby girl!!>=)
I do want to slap you around with it! And make you gag on it like the little slut you love to be for Your Daddy:D
B:Go ahead and get some sleep, Daddy. :P
D:No doubt, I totally am after cumming thinking about fucking your ghetto booty!!!! Lol:-p yummy
B: Damn, I wish I was there to take all my Daddy’s cum...
D: I have been cumming so much for you!! I wish you were here to be covered in my hot loads!!
B: Believe me, I do too! I have been rubbing my wet little slit for you at least a couple times a day. I can do almost nothing else! I love my Daddy’s cum. And when I see my Daddy, I’m going to make him feel so good he’ll let me have his yummy load all over his little girl.
In fact, I’m going to get in bed and play with Daddy’s little pussy and dream of my sexy daddy and his thick, juicy cock that gets so hard for his wanton slut.
D:Good girl Baby! I love you my wet, sub slut. Daddy needs to abuse you and make you happy and squeal! Night night, hot pussy slut for Daddy
B:Night night sexy, big dick Daddy!
September 15th 2:36 AM
B: I can't stop thinking about my Daddy! I miss you so much. I just keep playing with my wet little snatch hoping Daddy will come back to sate me. The only thing that satisfies me is Daddy's big, monster cock. Why won't Daddy fuck his little girl???
Warren Zevon- Hostage-O
Ryan Adams- Hotel Chelsea Nights
This morning I woke up somewhere south of 7 AM. I couldn’t manage to find sleep, so I slipped my hand beneath my cotton panties, and I started to dream about you. I imagined us in your bed, as you commanded me this way or that, and you growled in my ear, that you wanted to stick your fat, veiny cock in my juicy cunt. Really more of a memory than a fantasy. I finally came when I imagined your deft fingers working in and out of my pussy, so that your bracelets jangle together in that way I find irresistible. I came so hard that I cried out, “Oh, Daddy!” Then immediately, I began just crying, slow, sad tears that trudged down my blushed cheek. All I could do was lament, “Oh Daddy...”
I wish this was something I poetically dreamt up, but it isn’t.. I really have such intense and mixed feelings for you, now. Between the pleasure and the pain, the love and lament; romance and ruin. You’ve seeped into my subconscious and I don’t know how to rid myself of you... Or even if I want to.
Part I- Real Sext
August 23rd, 10:06 PM
B: Totally thinking of the last time we made love. Like the way your bracelets jangle when you make me cum...
D: My cock is still big and fat, wanting to slam your tight little girl pussy with the ghetto booty to cushion the driving and pumping!!!!
B: I wish your fat cock was fucking my tight little hole right now, daddy, making me fucking scream for mercy.
D: That's what you need! You should just let me get my anger out by making you cum screaming and me throwing you around and controlling you with my hands... This is another reason we should always be together!!:-p
B: Take all your aggression out on my soaking wet little pussy. Dominate me, order me around like your little slut girl. I’ll do anything for my daddy’s cum. I want your cum all over me.
D: I know what you need you little slut and so you'll do what I tell you and I will cum all over you and You'll love it! So cum and take your punishment and submit...
B: I do need to be punished, daddy. I’ve been such a bad little slut. So insolent and insubordinate. You need to take me over your knee and show me who’s boss. Shove your fat cock down my throat. Whatever you want. I’m so wet for you alone.
D: You fucking little wet whore, you'll never be satisfied without my huge veiny throbbing cock in your mouth while I push your head down till you choke on it All, I should just bend you over my knee and jam my finger into you till you scream and tell your only Daddy and Master that you Love him only forever while you sit that fat booty on my face and rub your swollen clit.
Sit that fat ass on my face!
B: This is so hot... Your cock is the only thing that makes me happy. And the only thing that makes me cum so fucking hard over and over. I’m your little cum slut. I wish you were feeding me that big dick right now; fucking my face, while I rub my little slit in anticipation for that granite horse-cock.
D: I'm soo hard and I would force you to take it really rough and deep and fuck you like an animal. Bite your ass while I feel your soft little hairs on my nose while I tongue fuck you before I squirt all over your face!
Did you cum for your Daddy yet slut?
B: I need to be fucked rough, to put me back in line for being such a bad girl to my daddy. I need my daddy’s cock as punishment. I’m about to come right now, Daddy.
D: I'm your Master and I'm going to abuse your sweet Cunt!
B: Oh my God!!!!! Fuck yes, Daddy. Your cock is huge! It looks so good. I just came so hard, baby.
D: Good you nasty little Slut! I need your soaking wet cunt lips spread over my face while you sit and smother me and stroke Daddy's huge staff!
B: I’ll do whatever my daddy wants to make him cum. All I want is your hot load shooting all over my face.
D: I wanna kiss your painted toes while you grab my horse-cock and stick the big head between your wet slutty pink lips! Cum and get you face all full of cum pools you nasty slut... Your Daddy's little slut you better remember that! I wanna make you Scream right now!!
And You Will do what ever I want if you always want my cum! Right slut?! How much cum do you want? Submit my beautiful bitch: and love all of it!!!!!
I wanna watch you Fuck yourself with a big dildo while I stick my big cock down your throat!!
B: Holy. Shit. I totally came again!!!
D: Good Girl! That's how juicy and willing my little slut is! Keep going my nasty little daughter, Daddy needs your pulsing hole!!!!!!!
I need to hurt that wet pussy with all the inches Daddy has to give his perfect slut!
August 25th 11:50 PM
D: My dick is so long and Hard! I need to shove it down your throat and rape your tight little pussy!:-p
B: I rubbed my wet little slit dreaming of my sexy Daddy and his rock hard cock, this afternoon. I came rereading your super hot texts...Twice.
I love my Daddy very much, and only feel good when I am pleasing him, in every way.
I’m truly your submissive little slut.
D: Good Girl, you are Daddy's perfect little slut.
I need to worship and abuse my little slut and watch her finger herself while I lick around her lips and clit!!
I need to cum all over you!:-p
B: I want all your cum any where my Daddy wants to shoot it.
D:You are the most beautiful and sexy baby, I need you:)!!!!!!!!
August 26th 9:15 AM
B: My panties are so wet thinking about you. I’m playing with my little pussy again dreaming about you Daddy. And that big horse cock of yours. I’m fantasizing all kinds of filthy things you could do to me.
D: I can't Wait!! I need to hear you scream while I pound you with your pussy juice all over my long swollen horse cock!!! Mmmmm
B: I wish your fat cock was fucking my soaking wet pussy right now. I know I’d be coming over and over on that big dick. I’m so hot for you.
I want to be your obedient little slut and a good girl for my daddy. Give him whatever dirty thing he wants.
D: Me too sexy slut, my love, I want to so bad!!!:) Good girl, you are Daddy's perfect little slut and I have some things for you to do now!!
B: Order me around. Make me worship your cock.
D: Yes and I wanna get a big dildo to fuck yourself while I face fuck you and get ready to punish your soaking pussy hard!!
B: Whatever my daddy wants! I just want to make my daddy happy. I can’t wait to taste that fat cock in my mouth. It’s been so long since I’ve had daddy’s big cock shoved down my throat... I need it to be a happy, submissive girl for my darling Daddy.
D: I was watching some porn and dreaming that the girl was sucking my cock like you do! Only you can Take me all down your throat!! Confession: I love it when you choke on it!
I need to see you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)
B: Good, I love gagging on your big hard cock. It gets me so excited.
D: I swear you have made it Bigger
B: My favorite is when you are standing up and I’m on my knees. Or kneeling over me while I’m laying down.
D: When are you cumming to submit to my cock??????
B: God, I wish I could right now.
D: Me too!!!!!!:) so bad, I miss you sooooooo much!!!!!!! Can a guy get a smiley face or two from the girl he loves?? Lol
B: Baby, you’re getting so much more than emojis! ;)
D: I know I feel it! I just wanna hear how you love me and make you laugh a bit:) I have so much love for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need some love and pussy emojis lol!!!
August 26th 7:28 PM
D: I just got into the second cologne: Monte Blanc Noir, you have to check it out and see if you like it, I do :)
B: I miss the way you smell so fucking much. God. That’s irresistible too...
I know as soon as I see you, and smell you, I’m going to want your hands all over me. And your kisses and, your snuggles, and your big, fat...
It’s not fair! How much you make me lose control. ;)
D: You have the same affect on me! So it is fair!:) bring your shirt and I can smell it up for you! BTW you know deep down that we were meant for each other!! We need to count our blessings!:):)
B: You’re so fucking romantic on top of it all! You drive me wild. Quite literally, sometimes.
D: You are so romantic too :) don't worry I'm gonna get you back and make you feel so good and we will look back and laugh! I love my special baby girl!!
August 27th 11:02 PM
D: I can't wait to get you drunk again and fuck Daddy's perfect little pussy till you are helpless and out there, while you gush all over my long cock going in and out of you hard!
B: Oh my God, Daddy. All I do is fantasize about you and your fat cock all day and rub my soaking wet little pussy for you.
I’m wet right now thinking about it while I’m out at a concert. I can’t stop thinking about Daddy’s big cock and how good he fucks his little girl.
D: :) good girl, I hope you are having fun
B: Not as much fun as I have when my Daddy loves me and fucks me...
D: That what I want my girl to tell her Daddy, he loves you to death and wants to possess you fully, and drink his drink while he licks your dripping pussy! The taste together would be Awesome!!:-p:-p
Sorry for the dumb typos but all my blood is in My Horse Cock!
We need to order a big dildo so Daddy can rape you with it and lick it clean while you jam my Hard meat down your wanton throat! Right slut?!!
B: Of course Daddy! Whatever pleases you is what I want! I would love very much for Daddy to fuck both my throat and pussy simultaneously. ;)This all sounds so hot, Daddy!
D: You are my perfect girl Baby!:) Don't forget it!!! PS, I love the scent of your pussy it drives me crazy! I wish I had your panties if not you to smell and cum on!! Mmmmm heheheee
B: That’s funny because I seriously love the smell of your cock. It always smell so fucking clean like soap, but also somehow pheromonal, like sex to come. It’s the best. I could almost smell it when you sent me that dick pic. I came this morning to that picture...
D: Also :) we are going to to all of that and more but I need you here to grab and hold down, silly! I'd ball gag you but I LOVE the sounds you make and what you say!! But maybe we need nipple clamps too?? Lol:-p
B: Oh my god, one of the extemporaneous fantasies I had about you while I was masturbating, was you fucking while you held down one of those big Hitachi vibrators on my clit, and made me cum over and over again on your cock. I almost forgot about that little closing gem! That sent me over the edge, as I recall.
D: I love when I pull out and you suck your pussy juice off my cock so I can get more!! We need to shop together my little girl:)
B: Cleaning Daddy’s cock is my favorite, favorite thing. It makes me feel like such a good, submissive little slut for you. I love worshiping at the altar of my Daddy’s thick cock.
D: I love you more than words can say my darling sub slut!! You talk big but you better cum and get on your knees and worship it and stop wasting your time...
B: Ha! Please. You know what a submissive, good girl I am, Daddy! You know I’m not just talking trash. I’ve sucked Daddy’s cock so many times, and let him fuck my little girl pussy whenever he wants it. I’ll show you, Daddy. Don’t you worry. I can’t wait for my Daddy’s hot load all over his submissive little slut bitch.
D: Cum give me more baby girl slut! I want to cum on you and my cock got even Harder when you called yourself the hot little slut bitch that you are! You are Daddy's fantasy. Period.
B: You are my fantasy, Daddy! I’m always dreaming about you, and the things I can do to make my Daddy happy. I love my Daddy so much! You make me soak through my lacy panties. I always want to make your cock hard, and please you, and satisfy you, and love you. I want to be your good girl, always.
Sometimes I get out of line and I just need Daddy’s cock to give me an attitude adjustment. To fuck me into submission.
D: It’s all good, my love. I need you my sweet loving romantic sugar pie! :)
You need to take off your wet panties for Daddy and wrap them around his swollen shaft and suck on his throbbing head and look up and tell him you love your Daddy! Mmmmm
I love you precious darling, night night:)
B: I can’t wait to please my Daddy! I love you. Night night.
August 29th 12:34 PM
D: We have to drink our champagne so I can fuck you
with the bottle!!:-p yummy
B: Hey! I thought no sexy talk until we can actually have sex! :P
D: I had that one saved since yesterday, sorry lol see you don't even know what you've been missing!:-p
B:I keep looking at that picture you sent me of your cock... It looks so fucking big and thick. I want to taste it so badly. It looks so beautiful and perfect and huge. I want my Daddy to fuck me with that mammoth cock; slap me around with it. Make me his submissive little girl for it.
I can’t wait. I can’t wait for you to fuck me. And I can’t wait to tell my daddy how much I love him and thank him for fucking his little girl so good and making me cum so many times.
August 30th 1:19 AM
D: PS Daddy's Big Fat Cock is throbbing for his little submissive baby girl!!>=)
I do want to slap you around with it! And make you gag on it like the little slut you love to be for Your Daddy:D
B:Go ahead and get some sleep, Daddy. :P
D:No doubt, I totally am after cumming thinking about fucking your ghetto booty!!!! Lol:-p yummy
B: Damn, I wish I was there to take all my Daddy’s cum...
D: I have been cumming so much for you!! I wish you were here to be covered in my hot loads!!
B: Believe me, I do too! I have been rubbing my wet little slit for you at least a couple times a day. I can do almost nothing else! I love my Daddy’s cum. And when I see my Daddy, I’m going to make him feel so good he’ll let me have his yummy load all over his little girl.
In fact, I’m going to get in bed and play with Daddy’s little pussy and dream of my sexy daddy and his thick, juicy cock that gets so hard for his wanton slut.
D:Good girl Baby! I love you my wet, sub slut. Daddy needs to abuse you and make you happy and squeal! Night night, hot pussy slut for Daddy
B:Night night sexy, big dick Daddy!
September 15th 2:36 AM
B: I can't stop thinking about my Daddy! I miss you so much. I just keep playing with my wet little snatch hoping Daddy will come back to sate me. The only thing that satisfies me is Daddy's big, monster cock. Why won't Daddy fuck his little girl???
Warren Zevon- Hostage-O
Part II- So Long Fucked Up Love & Thurston Howell the III
Ryan Adams- Hotel Chelsea Nights
This morning I woke up somewhere south of 7 AM. I couldn’t manage to find sleep, so I slipped my hand beneath my cotton panties, and I started to dream about you. I imagined us in your bed, as you commanded me this way or that, and you growled in my ear, that you wanted to stick your fat, veiny cock in my juicy cunt. Really more of a memory than a fantasy. I finally came when I imagined your deft fingers working in and out of my pussy, so that your bracelets jangle together in that way I find irresistible. I came so hard that I cried out, “Oh, Daddy!” Then immediately, I began just crying, slow, sad tears that trudged down my blushed cheek. All I could do was lament, “Oh Daddy...”
I wish this was something I poetically dreamt up, but it isn’t.. I really have such intense and mixed feelings for you, now. Between the pleasure and the pain, the love and lament; romance and ruin. You’ve seeped into my subconscious and I don’t know how to rid myself of you... Or even if I want to.
Tom Waits- Please Call Me Baby
I’m just so drawn to you, despite my best efforts at control. Or maybe we’re just so drawn to each other. There is something magical that happens, between us. Something inexplicable, and on my part at least, irresistible. We are slamming into codependence. Part of me wants to spin on this carousel with your forever. There are constant sparks, even if sometimes they are the dynamitic kind. I’m obsessed with you and the love you doused me with. You are a part of me, and I a part of you. Time drags without you, like sludge oozing by. You are excitement. A vibrant ribbon of color in an otherwise grey tableau. I am definitely addicted to the high of you, and that strange magnetism. I can’t seem to break free, even if in certain moments I want to, or must. Just to breathe the difference in the air. I can’t seem to stand the air without you; the air depleted of your magnetic charm. It’s dull and stuffy and lacking in oxygen-richness. Whatever Dennis Hopper is huffing in Blue Velvet; that’s your atmosphere.
You’re like heroine to me. You’ve made me a degenerate junkie for your love and cock. I know it’s fucking bad for me, but I just can’t stop sticking you in my veins. I need to kick the habit of you.
I’m sure there’s a stretched out asshole somewhere missing your dick. Either way we are probably fucked. So long, Thurston Howell the III.
*****
I’m just so drawn to you, despite my best efforts at control. Or maybe we’re just so drawn to each other. There is something magical that happens, between us. Something inexplicable, and on my part at least, irresistible. We are slamming into codependence. Part of me wants to spin on this carousel with your forever. There are constant sparks, even if sometimes they are the dynamitic kind. I’m obsessed with you and the love you doused me with. You are a part of me, and I a part of you. Time drags without you, like sludge oozing by. You are excitement. A vibrant ribbon of color in an otherwise grey tableau. I am definitely addicted to the high of you, and that strange magnetism. I can’t seem to break free, even if in certain moments I want to, or must. Just to breathe the difference in the air. I can’t seem to stand the air without you; the air depleted of your magnetic charm. It’s dull and stuffy and lacking in oxygen-richness. Whatever Dennis Hopper is huffing in Blue Velvet; that’s your atmosphere.
You’re like heroine to me. You’ve made me a degenerate junkie for your love and cock. I know it’s fucking bad for me, but I just can’t stop sticking you in my veins. I need to kick the habit of you.
I’m sure there’s a stretched out asshole somewhere missing your dick. Either way we are probably fucked. So long, Thurston Howell the III.
*****
Steely Dan- Rikki Don't Lose That Number
"The end is nigh, my darling." That's what you said to me that frigid night on your porch, as I shivered and trembled in front of you. I found it so terribly romantic at the time. And so god damn maudlin, which made it all the more romantic. Now it just seems kind of manipulative and weird. Like why didn't you invite me in? Or offer me some kind of blanket or coat, like you tried to push on me any other fucking time? You can be a real bastard, you know. And you do know. You'd rather feel sorry for yourself than actually change something to find happiness. To even allow happiness.
But let's face it; the end was always nigh for us. I knew it the moment you first contacted me. It felt like a spectacular disaster. It had that kind of momentum; that feeling. I just wish it was a little more spectacular. Kind of a let down, really. It just sort of deflated, instead of going out with a bang, it just sort of sighed. Or maybe more accurately, whimpered out through watery eyes.
"The end is nigh, my darling." That's what you said to me that frigid night on your porch, as I shivered and trembled in front of you. I found it so terribly romantic at the time. And so god damn maudlin, which made it all the more romantic. Now it just seems kind of manipulative and weird. Like why didn't you invite me in? Or offer me some kind of blanket or coat, like you tried to push on me any other fucking time? You can be a real bastard, you know. And you do know. You'd rather feel sorry for yourself than actually change something to find happiness. To even allow happiness.
But let's face it; the end was always nigh for us. I knew it the moment you first contacted me. It felt like a spectacular disaster. It had that kind of momentum; that feeling. I just wish it was a little more spectacular. Kind of a let down, really. It just sort of deflated, instead of going out with a bang, it just sort of sighed. Or maybe more accurately, whimpered out through watery eyes.
I always wanted you to be so much more than a stopover. You made me feel those lovey-dovey romantic feelings I thought I’d never feel again. You reminded me how much happier I am in love. Especially compared to indifference or bitterness. I would have loved you forever had you only been nice to me, like you promised.
I tried to tell you you would end up breaking my heart in the end. It’s just the way it is. You seem to know how life goes for you, and so do I. Everyone I ever love devastates me in the end. It’s inevitable. That’s why I burn so brightly, so intensely, because I know it’s slipping through my Byzantine fingers sooner rather than later.
I would have given you everything. Everything you could ever want from a lover and a friend. But you wanted to consume me. You took it for granted. And tainted it with your sourness. It wasn’t your feralilty that ruined this; it was your self-absorption and egomania. You may be empathetic, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t obsessed with yourself and your experience. You make everything about you. And then project it onto me. Even your neuroses aren’t as interesting as you think they are. I hate to break it to you, but you’re damaged just like the rest of us, brougham. Not in some special way either. In the same, old ordinary way we are all fucked up. And just trying to make it through.
Lyle Lovett- I Can't Love You Anymore
I suspect you don’t even really like me. That you were in love with the idea of me more than me as an actual being. And you certainly couldn't stand the idea of amounting to a lonely loser. Sometimes I think you’ve made it all up. Your love for me, how you feel about me in all the ways I found so unbelievably romantic. What if it was all an act? The final performance of a master manipulator. The swan song of a charismatic and intoxicating, but demonic hypnotist.
They Might Be Giants- Hypnotist of Ladies
You can't charm your way to validation. It has to come from within. It's never coming from without. I used to think you were so genuine and authentic. But now it all seems so schmoozy and superficial. The way you hang all over women, practically begging for their approval, on one hand, while belittling and deriding them in grand misogynist fashion on the other. It's pretty obvious why that is. Do you really think paying back every woman you meet for your less than ideal experience is ever going to really net you what you want? Is it ever going to lead to any type of happiness? Talk about a waste. Maybe you should start painting monsters. Since that seems to be your favorite thing.
I probably would have sank down with you forever to the point of no return. I was willing to throw it all away on an enigmatic stranger. We could have ruled the world. Fuck. We did for the briefest of moments, my darling. We owned that town; God damn you.
Townes Van Zandt- If I Needed You
Part III- Jack-Off of Hearts
December 29th 1:53 PM
D: Just take it easy on yourself and Get out of your Head!! Write or sew or... I'm here for you believe it or not, and I'm not going to let the day come when you regret leaving the love of your life, because you will... Take your time, I'm here for you day or night and I need to focus on my work... But I really need you to focus on Too!!:) I love you truly Baby, take it slow with me ok:)
By Spring at least, you will feel like you did just a mere few months ago! You'll see:)
Maybe I've said tooooo much as usual, I mean well, but look where its got me/us...I'll keep it to myself for you:) Good Night sweetheart
December 29th 8:22 AM
B: I fell asleep. Just saw these texts now.
I was just exhausted after that whole conversation. I feel totally emotionally drained. Each morning I wake up with the feeling of a hangover, even though I haven’t had a single sip to drink. I don’t feel well. I had terrible dreams all night. A lot of them about you. The basic gist of them being you ignoring me when I reached out to you for help.
I feel like you ripped my guts out last night. Just fucking curb-stomped another useless bitch. I called you last night because I missed you, because I felt like I couldn’t breathe without you, to apologize, and because I thought that maybe I was making a huge mistake not trying to work things out with you. And you treated me like I was the worst piece of shit that could have ever existed. Not even like an annoyance, but like I was worthless garbage. Crying, pathetic garbage sent to disturb your precious existence.
There is absolutely no excuse for that level of heartlessness. That was fucking evil. Evil isn’t caused by low-blood sugar, tiredness, or headaches. Crankiness, sure. Not unmitigated heartless cruelty. That’s like if you crawled up on my doorstep all bloody, battered, and bruised, just whimpering for help, and instead of a typical human response like, “Oh my God David! Come in here right now. Let me tend to your wounds, let me feed you, give you water, let me take you to the hospital,” I said something like, “You’re getting blood all over my porch, you degenerate bum. Get the fuck out of here!” And the I kicked your already bloodied face with my boot heel to roll you off my porch.
That’s how I fucking feel after reviewing the events of last night. I couldn’t even be half as callous and not even an ounce as cruel to my grandmother who tortured me my whole life. Because I’m just not evil. And I never wanted to become what she was. That’s why it was so important that I did get whatever she wanted that day. Because I could prove to myself that I didn’t have to ever be that. I do take pride in that.
I’m not worthless garbage and I didn’t deserve to be abused like that. No matter how mad or hurt you felt. And when you did reach out to me, I called or texted. But maybe just maybe, I stayed quiet because I was half-expecting that vicious response that I got last night. I guess my paranoia was worth something all along.
I’m shaking uncontrollably. I go through crying spells. I can’t eat. My sleep is severely disturbed. I am having a real physical reaction to this. I know you don’t care. You just care about what you’re going through. Too bad. Because I care about both of us. Plus my responsibilities as a mother and whatever obligation I have to the other important people in my life. I guess I’m just not that free.
I can say without exaggeration, the way you treated me last night was absolutely the worst anyone has ever treated me I my whole life. I never felt more like a worthless animal. And though that was the worst time, but not the first incident. It was the third or fourth time. So you should really think about that. Think about why you would ever do that to someone you supposedly love.
That was what my trepidation has been about this whole time. It’s clearly not unfounded. You have the ability and the power to send me spiraling downward. And instead of being judicious and wise with that power, you decided like most foolish humans when they get a taste of power to abuse it and go mad with it. As much as it pains you to admit I’m right; you sure have a knack for proving it so. And if you wanted to prove to me that you are a ceaseless monster; mission accomplished.
If you would like to discuss these things further face to face today, I can do that. But I would like to meet at a neutral place, like the coffee shop. So things can’t get too heated.
Angry phone call from D to B- 10:31 AM
Even angrier hang-up by D to B- 10:46 AM
10:48 AM
B: You’re the abuser. And you can’t handle some emotions standing up to you. You’re a bully. And like most bullies, when someone calls you out, you turn tail and run. I can’t respect a person who perpetuates the cycle of abuse. The buck should stop with the abused. But you fell into the trap of becoming the abuser. At least I’m brave enough to face you.
Voicemail D to B- 11:15 AM
There were a few things, I wasn't going to call you back because obviously you don't want to hear from me. But there were there was like The Dude, and a hair and a few things that I should call you and say something. But I can tell how things are. You're going to really regret this, like I have. And, uh, you know, so I'll fuck off to my paradise and you can fuck off to yours. And uh, when I'm dying we can both look back and see like if it was worth it. and uh, maybe one of us will have a good life I think you know maybe one of us WONT we'll...we'll just do it by ourselves. you know I really wanted to get together today and i was feeling really good about you but its the opposite. you know We worked things out and I thought we were gonna really talk and be together about things and really be level-headed. But no. You had sat there and thought all night and worked your whole thing against me and how terrible and how i hurt you the worst. Okay. that's what it is. Okay. And then what did i do? You know i thought good things about you and thought i was sorry i treated you that way. And wanted to go and see you hopefully, but I didn't expect to see you of course cuz when would I see you or anything? You don't ever want to see me. But then I wake up and its just, uh, good morning David, hear how- you're the biggest asshole in the world. You're the abuser. You suck. You know, why do you even fuckin'-exist? So I get it. I got it. Okay. I me- like I said, you know, like we'll just be apart, okay? And we'll find out who like has, you know, really, uh, has a great life. Because we can't be together.
11:58 AM
B: That second voicemail you left me was kinda fucked up. It scares me a little, D.
D: Please call me baby.
Post Script
Jesus, I can still remember everything about that afternoon in New York. Driving through Queens pointing out Ramones landmarks, turning our noses up in Williamsburg, eating fried chicken in Red Hook. Everything about that day was perfect; the subtle breeze, the color or the sky, and you. I never wanted anything so badly in my life as much as I wanted so desperately for one of those apartments to be ours. If you would have asked me to marry you at the moment, upend my life for you, move to Brooklyn on a whim to shack up in some makeshift artist's loft; I would have done it. Everything bit of it. Because at that moment, nothing mattered but you and I. My whole world was there with you, in this mind-blowing fantasyscape. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still feel those powerful arms wrapped tightly around my waist. That was the one place I thought nothing could hurt me.
Ryan Adams- New York, New York
"Had myself a lover who was finer than gold
But I've been broken up and busted up since...
And love won't play any games with you, anymore
If you don't wanna 'em to
The world won't wait and I watched you shake
But honey, I don't blame you
Hell, I still love you, New York"
Part III- Jack-Off of Hearts
December 29th 1:53 PM
D: Just take it easy on yourself and Get out of your Head!! Write or sew or... I'm here for you believe it or not, and I'm not going to let the day come when you regret leaving the love of your life, because you will... Take your time, I'm here for you day or night and I need to focus on my work... But I really need you to focus on Too!!:) I love you truly Baby, take it slow with me ok:)
By Spring at least, you will feel like you did just a mere few months ago! You'll see:)
Maybe I've said tooooo much as usual, I mean well, but look where its got me/us...I'll keep it to myself for you:) Good Night sweetheart
December 29th 8:22 AM
B: I fell asleep. Just saw these texts now.
I was just exhausted after that whole conversation. I feel totally emotionally drained. Each morning I wake up with the feeling of a hangover, even though I haven’t had a single sip to drink. I don’t feel well. I had terrible dreams all night. A lot of them about you. The basic gist of them being you ignoring me when I reached out to you for help.
I feel like you ripped my guts out last night. Just fucking curb-stomped another useless bitch. I called you last night because I missed you, because I felt like I couldn’t breathe without you, to apologize, and because I thought that maybe I was making a huge mistake not trying to work things out with you. And you treated me like I was the worst piece of shit that could have ever existed. Not even like an annoyance, but like I was worthless garbage. Crying, pathetic garbage sent to disturb your precious existence.
There is absolutely no excuse for that level of heartlessness. That was fucking evil. Evil isn’t caused by low-blood sugar, tiredness, or headaches. Crankiness, sure. Not unmitigated heartless cruelty. That’s like if you crawled up on my doorstep all bloody, battered, and bruised, just whimpering for help, and instead of a typical human response like, “Oh my God David! Come in here right now. Let me tend to your wounds, let me feed you, give you water, let me take you to the hospital,” I said something like, “You’re getting blood all over my porch, you degenerate bum. Get the fuck out of here!” And the I kicked your already bloodied face with my boot heel to roll you off my porch.
That’s how I fucking feel after reviewing the events of last night. I couldn’t even be half as callous and not even an ounce as cruel to my grandmother who tortured me my whole life. Because I’m just not evil. And I never wanted to become what she was. That’s why it was so important that I did get whatever she wanted that day. Because I could prove to myself that I didn’t have to ever be that. I do take pride in that.
I’m not worthless garbage and I didn’t deserve to be abused like that. No matter how mad or hurt you felt. And when you did reach out to me, I called or texted. But maybe just maybe, I stayed quiet because I was half-expecting that vicious response that I got last night. I guess my paranoia was worth something all along.
I’m shaking uncontrollably. I go through crying spells. I can’t eat. My sleep is severely disturbed. I am having a real physical reaction to this. I know you don’t care. You just care about what you’re going through. Too bad. Because I care about both of us. Plus my responsibilities as a mother and whatever obligation I have to the other important people in my life. I guess I’m just not that free.
I can say without exaggeration, the way you treated me last night was absolutely the worst anyone has ever treated me I my whole life. I never felt more like a worthless animal. And though that was the worst time, but not the first incident. It was the third or fourth time. So you should really think about that. Think about why you would ever do that to someone you supposedly love.
That was what my trepidation has been about this whole time. It’s clearly not unfounded. You have the ability and the power to send me spiraling downward. And instead of being judicious and wise with that power, you decided like most foolish humans when they get a taste of power to abuse it and go mad with it. As much as it pains you to admit I’m right; you sure have a knack for proving it so. And if you wanted to prove to me that you are a ceaseless monster; mission accomplished.
If you would like to discuss these things further face to face today, I can do that. But I would like to meet at a neutral place, like the coffee shop. So things can’t get too heated.
Angry phone call from D to B- 10:31 AM
Even angrier hang-up by D to B- 10:46 AM
10:48 AM
B: You’re the abuser. And you can’t handle some emotions standing up to you. You’re a bully. And like most bullies, when someone calls you out, you turn tail and run. I can’t respect a person who perpetuates the cycle of abuse. The buck should stop with the abused. But you fell into the trap of becoming the abuser. At least I’m brave enough to face you.
Voicemail D to B- 11:15 AM
There were a few things, I wasn't going to call you back because obviously you don't want to hear from me. But there were there was like The Dude, and a hair and a few things that I should call you and say something. But I can tell how things are. You're going to really regret this, like I have. And, uh, you know, so I'll fuck off to my paradise and you can fuck off to yours. And uh, when I'm dying we can both look back and see like if it was worth it. and uh, maybe one of us will have a good life I think you know maybe one of us WONT we'll...we'll just do it by ourselves. you know I really wanted to get together today and i was feeling really good about you but its the opposite. you know We worked things out and I thought we were gonna really talk and be together about things and really be level-headed. But no. You had sat there and thought all night and worked your whole thing against me and how terrible and how i hurt you the worst. Okay. that's what it is. Okay. And then what did i do? You know i thought good things about you and thought i was sorry i treated you that way. And wanted to go and see you hopefully, but I didn't expect to see you of course cuz when would I see you or anything? You don't ever want to see me. But then I wake up and its just, uh, good morning David, hear how- you're the biggest asshole in the world. You're the abuser. You suck. You know, why do you even fuckin'-exist? So I get it. I got it. Okay. I me- like I said, you know, like we'll just be apart, okay? And we'll find out who like has, you know, really, uh, has a great life. Because we can't be together.
11:58 AM
B: That second voicemail you left me was kinda fucked up. It scares me a little, D.
D: Please call me baby.
Post Script
Jesus, I can still remember everything about that afternoon in New York. Driving through Queens pointing out Ramones landmarks, turning our noses up in Williamsburg, eating fried chicken in Red Hook. Everything about that day was perfect; the subtle breeze, the color or the sky, and you. I never wanted anything so badly in my life as much as I wanted so desperately for one of those apartments to be ours. If you would have asked me to marry you at the moment, upend my life for you, move to Brooklyn on a whim to shack up in some makeshift artist's loft; I would have done it. Everything bit of it. Because at that moment, nothing mattered but you and I. My whole world was there with you, in this mind-blowing fantasyscape. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still feel those powerful arms wrapped tightly around my waist. That was the one place I thought nothing could hurt me.
Ryan Adams- New York, New York
"Had myself a lover who was finer than gold
But I've been broken up and busted up since...
And love won't play any games with you, anymore
If you don't wanna 'em to
The world won't wait and I watched you shake
But honey, I don't blame you
Hell, I still love you, New York"
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