The following treatise was written in the fall of 2016, in response to a series of situations and bizarre goings-on, that had tormented my landscape, after I had exhausted every other reasonable possibility or solution I could think of. The impetus for this particular writing was that my husband, wanting to move some equipment out of his parents' house, was subjected to a barrage of chastisements, guilt-trips, and manipulations, culminating with his family actually sending a hand-written letter to him, in the creepiest and most humiliating fashion possible; through the God-damned piano movers, charged with moving said equipment. Because, you know, email is so complicated, and, uh, discreet.
I held back on publishing this piece because I didn't want to create any more of a back-and-forth. I just wanted them to leave us alone. But I see that is impossible now; there is no high road in trench warfare. The sheer amount of bullshit, cut-from-whole-cloth lies, and projection that has been whispered, slurred or stuttered to every bar fly to ever hold up a stool in the tri-county area, about me and my little family, has been officially confirmed, by someone who doesn't want to get in the middle of it, of course. (But alas, I think that ship has sailed.) It's not like I didn't already think that, based on the behaviors and demeanor of those I casually came into contact with. It's not like I didn't have any inkling; all I ever had were inklings. I just didn't have corroboration for my hunches. And now I do.
I really don't care for childish shit like this. It's stupid, illogical, and doesn't solve any problems; only perpetuates them. But that's how most people like to handle things, I guess. I'm in the minority. You'd think, at some point, in middle age or beyond, people would be able to evolve past adolescent whims. But, nah. So if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Am I right?
For the record, I may be a lot of things, but a couple of things I am not is illogical nor dishonest. I've built my whole philosophy around truth-seeking, mainly because my brain, or my conscience, wouldn't allow it any other way. These are concepts I take very seriously; they aren't catty rumors to shoot the shit with over tequila shots. The things I have written here are the truth, interwoven with my observations about those truths and the devastation it has caused. I've tried several times to solve this problem; directly, and in person, with the people involved. *I* made that effort, even though the onus wasn't on me to do so. I did that because my husband was hurting, and his hurting was in turn hurting my daughter and I. And the bullshit kept piling up; it was inescapable. It put a huge strain on our marriage, which, I'm sure, was the penultimate goal. There was this creepy undertone to the whole affair, like I was the mistress and his mother was the wife he would never leave. Try dealing with that nastiness.
The other parties involved did not make any effort, beyond bald-faced lies and/or shirking of responsibility. I am not going to be the scapegoat for years of dysfunction and psychological abuse. There was 40 years of problems mounting before I even met any of these players. A person doesn't turn to multiple addictions because they are so happy and fulfilled with their life. Sorry, but that's the truth. I've had to learn more about addiction, dysfunctional family dynamics, and enmeshment than I've ever cared to. But I did so in an effort to educate myself in hopes that my husband and I could work out some of these problems, for some semblance of happiness, and at the very least, for the sake our child. So she doesn't have to grow to be a fucked-up adult, unable to cope with life's lemons.
On what planet, is a mother going to allow her child to be around people that not only think it wise to badmouth that mother, but think it is acceptable to manipulate the father, and use the child as a pawn in a sick, selfish game? The only rumor floating around that they got right, was that my daughter doesn't have any contact with my husband's parents. Because I don't trust them. And my daughter isn't going to be around anyone I don't trust. Her safety and well-being is paramount. It is my job to protect her from this type of thing. Honestly, I punish myself for not making that decision sooner. I tried so hard to be agreeable, and reasonable, and just extricate myself. But that wasn't enough. She shouldn't be subjected to people and situations in which too many red flags persist. Without trust, forgiveness doesn't even come into play.
I was fine with just letting this lie, but others were not. I've asked several times to be left alone by these people, as I don't want anything to do with people that think I'm such an awful, brain-washing, adulterous cunt. But still they pestered, manipulated, harassed; showing up at events, sending unwelcome, "anonymous" packages in the mail, attempting to cajole my widowed mother on several occasions with sob stories and bribes, and spreading lies to anyone stupid enough to listen. We don't want gifts or bribes, because it's too little, too late for that. They didn't feel the need to get our daughter so much as a Christening gift back before the falling out; so why these gifts now? Hollow holiday packages aren't going to erase the damage or pain caused by repeated selfishness, abject schemes, and obvious double-dealing. But it sure would be a great way to look like the poor, underappreciated grandma, cast aside by cruel ingrates, without ever having to walk the walk. "I send them gifts, and flowers, and cards; I never even get so much as a 'thank you.'" There are no 'thank yous' forthcoming because, we've repeatedly asked them to stop sending us things. That request is not respected, at all. How is that demonstrating some change of heart? How does that demonstrate that things will be different this time around? These are just tiny straws upon the heap of horseshit that led to this very measured distance.
Further, if everyone out there cares about my husband as much as they purport to, why is just calling him up and asking him how he is doing, so fucking hard? And, why would I ever, even once, have to be the conduit? Unless the motivations are less than pure, like trying to cause problems, for sinister amusement or revenge. Also, what must these people think of their so-called friend, if they believe these stories about him being some hen-pecked weenie. That's not exactly complimentary to this dear friend of theirs. Ugh. Why does everything and everyone have to be so creepy and weird?! Why all the subversion? Why all the secrets and whispers? How is that friendship? How is that family? How is that love? Why would it ever have to get to this point? Again and again. This carousel never stops.
If I was all these things they said I am, why does Chris stay? He is not a prisoner here. He's not tethered to the fucking wall. I'm the one home every day and every night with our daughter, while he is out at his party job. It's not exactly working in a coal mine. What type of prison allows the inmates out on the town, while the warden and the guards are stuck behind the prison walls? That's one hell of a sentence. I'm not some vindictive, calculating shrew with an axe to grind. I'm a genuine person, once full of love, now full of obligation, but I'm certainly no one's whipping boy. Nor do I want a whipping boy of my very own. I wanted a partner. I've given every fucking thing I have to make this family work, even my sanity. If I didn't truly love my husband, why would I subject myself to this garbage? This petty, spiteful, callow creepiness. What would be the fucking point? Why not just turn him loose? Why not just leave this disturbing, incestuous vortex as far behind me as possible? This isn't a fucking joke, God damn it. You're trifling with things that actually matter to me. Things that are vital to my daughter's development. Things that I've built my whole life around. That he's centered his world around. Things that are pure, and good, and genuine. Why wouldn't I defend them, go to bat for them, with everything I have?
This is my response to all the allegations and manipulations.
*****
It must be great to live in a complete fantasy world where nothing is ever your fault and things only happen *to* you. Never because of you. So you are free to glean all the sympathy and negative attention you can manipulate from others in an effort to satisfy some scorned part of you. That brand of crazy must be nice. Just hit the old crack pipe and the world can become whatever contorted trash you dream up. Never having to deal with any pesky bouts of conscience or self-awareness; thereby removing all risk of shame and any roadblocks put up by trifles like decency or morality. Personality disorders are supremely efficient that way.
The New York Dolls- Personality Crisis
I held back on publishing this piece because I didn't want to create any more of a back-and-forth. I just wanted them to leave us alone. But I see that is impossible now; there is no high road in trench warfare. The sheer amount of bullshit, cut-from-whole-cloth lies, and projection that has been whispered, slurred or stuttered to every bar fly to ever hold up a stool in the tri-county area, about me and my little family, has been officially confirmed, by someone who doesn't want to get in the middle of it, of course. (But alas, I think that ship has sailed.) It's not like I didn't already think that, based on the behaviors and demeanor of those I casually came into contact with. It's not like I didn't have any inkling; all I ever had were inklings. I just didn't have corroboration for my hunches. And now I do.
I really don't care for childish shit like this. It's stupid, illogical, and doesn't solve any problems; only perpetuates them. But that's how most people like to handle things, I guess. I'm in the minority. You'd think, at some point, in middle age or beyond, people would be able to evolve past adolescent whims. But, nah. So if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Am I right?
For the record, I may be a lot of things, but a couple of things I am not is illogical nor dishonest. I've built my whole philosophy around truth-seeking, mainly because my brain, or my conscience, wouldn't allow it any other way. These are concepts I take very seriously; they aren't catty rumors to shoot the shit with over tequila shots. The things I have written here are the truth, interwoven with my observations about those truths and the devastation it has caused. I've tried several times to solve this problem; directly, and in person, with the people involved. *I* made that effort, even though the onus wasn't on me to do so. I did that because my husband was hurting, and his hurting was in turn hurting my daughter and I. And the bullshit kept piling up; it was inescapable. It put a huge strain on our marriage, which, I'm sure, was the penultimate goal. There was this creepy undertone to the whole affair, like I was the mistress and his mother was the wife he would never leave. Try dealing with that nastiness.
The other parties involved did not make any effort, beyond bald-faced lies and/or shirking of responsibility. I am not going to be the scapegoat for years of dysfunction and psychological abuse. There was 40 years of problems mounting before I even met any of these players. A person doesn't turn to multiple addictions because they are so happy and fulfilled with their life. Sorry, but that's the truth. I've had to learn more about addiction, dysfunctional family dynamics, and enmeshment than I've ever cared to. But I did so in an effort to educate myself in hopes that my husband and I could work out some of these problems, for some semblance of happiness, and at the very least, for the sake our child. So she doesn't have to grow to be a fucked-up adult, unable to cope with life's lemons.
On what planet, is a mother going to allow her child to be around people that not only think it wise to badmouth that mother, but think it is acceptable to manipulate the father, and use the child as a pawn in a sick, selfish game? The only rumor floating around that they got right, was that my daughter doesn't have any contact with my husband's parents. Because I don't trust them. And my daughter isn't going to be around anyone I don't trust. Her safety and well-being is paramount. It is my job to protect her from this type of thing. Honestly, I punish myself for not making that decision sooner. I tried so hard to be agreeable, and reasonable, and just extricate myself. But that wasn't enough. She shouldn't be subjected to people and situations in which too many red flags persist. Without trust, forgiveness doesn't even come into play.
I was fine with just letting this lie, but others were not. I've asked several times to be left alone by these people, as I don't want anything to do with people that think I'm such an awful, brain-washing, adulterous cunt. But still they pestered, manipulated, harassed; showing up at events, sending unwelcome, "anonymous" packages in the mail, attempting to cajole my widowed mother on several occasions with sob stories and bribes, and spreading lies to anyone stupid enough to listen. We don't want gifts or bribes, because it's too little, too late for that. They didn't feel the need to get our daughter so much as a Christening gift back before the falling out; so why these gifts now? Hollow holiday packages aren't going to erase the damage or pain caused by repeated selfishness, abject schemes, and obvious double-dealing. But it sure would be a great way to look like the poor, underappreciated grandma, cast aside by cruel ingrates, without ever having to walk the walk. "I send them gifts, and flowers, and cards; I never even get so much as a 'thank you.'" There are no 'thank yous' forthcoming because, we've repeatedly asked them to stop sending us things. That request is not respected, at all. How is that demonstrating some change of heart? How does that demonstrate that things will be different this time around? These are just tiny straws upon the heap of horseshit that led to this very measured distance.
Further, if everyone out there cares about my husband as much as they purport to, why is just calling him up and asking him how he is doing, so fucking hard? And, why would I ever, even once, have to be the conduit? Unless the motivations are less than pure, like trying to cause problems, for sinister amusement or revenge. Also, what must these people think of their so-called friend, if they believe these stories about him being some hen-pecked weenie. That's not exactly complimentary to this dear friend of theirs. Ugh. Why does everything and everyone have to be so creepy and weird?! Why all the subversion? Why all the secrets and whispers? How is that friendship? How is that family? How is that love? Why would it ever have to get to this point? Again and again. This carousel never stops.
If I was all these things they said I am, why does Chris stay? He is not a prisoner here. He's not tethered to the fucking wall. I'm the one home every day and every night with our daughter, while he is out at his party job. It's not exactly working in a coal mine. What type of prison allows the inmates out on the town, while the warden and the guards are stuck behind the prison walls? That's one hell of a sentence. I'm not some vindictive, calculating shrew with an axe to grind. I'm a genuine person, once full of love, now full of obligation, but I'm certainly no one's whipping boy. Nor do I want a whipping boy of my very own. I wanted a partner. I've given every fucking thing I have to make this family work, even my sanity. If I didn't truly love my husband, why would I subject myself to this garbage? This petty, spiteful, callow creepiness. What would be the fucking point? Why not just turn him loose? Why not just leave this disturbing, incestuous vortex as far behind me as possible? This isn't a fucking joke, God damn it. You're trifling with things that actually matter to me. Things that are vital to my daughter's development. Things that I've built my whole life around. That he's centered his world around. Things that are pure, and good, and genuine. Why wouldn't I defend them, go to bat for them, with everything I have?
This is my response to all the allegations and manipulations.
*****
It must be great to live in a complete fantasy world where nothing is ever your fault and things only happen *to* you. Never because of you. So you are free to glean all the sympathy and negative attention you can manipulate from others in an effort to satisfy some scorned part of you. That brand of crazy must be nice. Just hit the old crack pipe and the world can become whatever contorted trash you dream up. Never having to deal with any pesky bouts of conscience or self-awareness; thereby removing all risk of shame and any roadblocks put up by trifles like decency or morality. Personality disorders are supremely efficient that way.
The New York Dolls- Personality Crisis
I know I've heard the word crazy thrown in my direction over the years. But I'm not crazy, I'm neurotic. There's a big difference. That difference lies in a hypersensitivity and a hyper-awareness. In fact, I think the word neurotic is just academic shorthand for painfully aware of their own shortcomings. And in most cases, a compulsive need to overachieve to make up for those shortcomings. Neurotics take too much responsibility for things, in an attempt at control, whereas crazy narcissists take none at all. Typically, neurotics tend to be ambitious, Type A personalities, whereas personality disorder types tend to be crazy, flighty, loser-y messes that can never quite amount to anything. Because they don't seek improvement. In their own eyes they are perfect. And how does one improve upon perfection?
Ween- Happy Colored Marbles
You don't get to perpetuate this bullshit with impunity. You could have taken the breaks and bowed out gracefully. You could have gave a shit, listened, and took it seriously. You chose not to. How many character attacks, lies, manipulation and years did it take for me to fire back? To fight fire with fire? Almost three years, this has been going on. Ratchet-Face "is not the first girl she's run out on a rail." ~JSJ on your family patterns, one night at Northern Lights. How lovely. You all thought I'd be easy pickin's. The old chestnut 'mistook my kindness for weakness' seems germane. But maybe it was more like you mistook my apathy for successful manipulation. I'm the type of person that keeps most people at arm's length. Only a very select few get to know the parts of me that I give a shit about. The rest is just fun and games, really, in the interest of wasting time, and harmony. But really, arm's length was even too close for you people. It's also too bad "reputation" and whatever bullshit people think of me doesn't matter much. But it certainly shows your true colors. You thought somehow you could badmouth someone, spread lies about them, try to hurt them, meddle in their marriage, hurt their child and that you would somehow still come out smelling like a god-damned rose? When you act that vile and crazy, you're bound to be exposed.
Further, if you all cared about him so much and you really believed all this bullshit about me "brainwashing" him, then why didn't any of you try to reach out to him, call him, email him, text him, or better yet rescue him? It's seems like a lot of armchair quarterbacking for such a serious problem...[cue world's biggest fucking eye roll.] No one ever even bothered to call him just to ask how he's doing. Not once, yet extended family members' opinions sure abound. Isn't that quaint? Yet, that is what everyone claims their big concern is. That they just care about Chris, so they are saying this shit. Uh-huh. That sure is a funny way of showing you care about someone. To completely ignore them, and attack their spouse (or in your eyes, "spousal problem") to try and cause misery. Yeah, that's not fucking crazy, or drama-fueled at all... I know you know you're full of shit. You have to. You know you're fucked up. You know you fucked him up. You know you've tried to break up all his relationships, including my marriage. You just don't want other people to know what you did. It's understandable, since it is so deplorable.
Drive-By Truckers- Assholes
It's all about image and looks. And as a secondary benefit in your effort to not look like the assholes you really are, you're lapping up all the sympathy your distended bellies can hold. It's a little hard to believe you're "suffering in silence" or dealing with this with a "quiet stoicism" yet everybody (and their brother!) knows about it and is trying to get (albeit, lazily) involved. Yet, again, no one bothered to ask Chris about how he feels. Funny. I guess your word is absolute gospel. No other side to the story, no sir. I certainly hope you divulged all gory details about the emotional incest, how you made him your surrogate husband when yours wasn't cutting the mustard. How you hated any one that Chris was with, how you would arbitrarily and unilaterally compete with them for his love, call them by previous girlfriends' names, and tried to undermine those relationships at every turn. Or how you begged to babysit my infant daughter, several times, but wouldn't feed her or change her diaper any of those times. And still asked to babysit again! You must think I am really fucking stupid. How about when you snuck into the house when we weren't home to leave articles on the desk to persuade Chris to put Dolly to sleep on her stomach after your constant nagging about it didn't work. Even though EVERYONE, even people without kids, know you put babies to sleep on their backs to prevent SIDS. (Seriously, psychos look it the fuck up). It seems like you wanted something to happen there. Too much competition for ya?
The Ramones- Danny Says
I hope you told them about how you jerked Chris around about his substance abuse problems. Advocating that he not see a therapist because "there are a lot of quacks out there." And you would know, because you've lined the pockets of plenty of them! And that he was "not stumbling down the street" or "sleeping under a bridge," (I thought that was trolls?) so he must be fine, and therefore doesn't need help for his addictions. Even when he told you face to face the problems he was suffering with, you pretended to understand and care, and then turned your back on him again. Then he poured his heart out to you in letters that you never bothered to respond to. I've never seen such selfishness in my whole life. And I've known some really shitty people. To be so narcissistic as to deny your son has a problem, so he won't go to treatment, so no one ever has to find out how badly you fucked him up. So no one would find out your deep, dark secrets.
Shel Silverstein- I Got Stoned and I Missed It
I would find it kind of hilarious, if it wasn't so sad, that the only tool in your belt is manipulation by guilt. That's one of the main reasons he doesn't want a relationship with you. The constant manipulations. Which he's spelled out to you. Many times. In letters and conversations. He's learned to recognize the manipulations for what they are, but it doesn't stop it from hurting him. Yet that's the tactic you've chosen to employ time and time again, and then have your henchmen employ, when your manipulations were falling flat. What a fucking joke, man. Do you see how ridiculous that makes you all look? You seem like you'll go to any shameless length available to try to get him back into "the family" clutches. Those all-important, so-desirable family clutches, that smells a lot like a creepy cult. All but one length, of course. The only one that really matters or could have some effect; fundamental behavioral change!
Allen Toussaint- Chokin' Kind
Specifically, oh I don't know, taking responsibility for all the trouble you deliberately tried to cause in an effort to suit your own selfish needs, with a complete disregard for the needs of others, including, but not limited to, your grandchild. And, uh, you know, NOT FUCKING DOING IT ANYMORE! But oh no. You're right. It's better to keep widening that gap, which is the size of the Grand fucking Canyon by now, with even more derision, delusion, and manipulation. You refuse to listen to him, which shows how little you care about him. That's why he's not coming back. He doesn't feel loved or supported. He feels used and abused. He never knew the difference before. He does now. Because that's not how genuine love works. It's not conditional and brimming with guilt. With a bunch of sycophantic praise piled on top to keep him strung out and on-edge. It's not full of lies and secrets. It's not creepy and inappropriate. You didn't want him getting help because you wanted him to remain helpless. To manipulate and control your little protege.
Allen Toussaint- Chokin' Kind
Specifically, oh I don't know, taking responsibility for all the trouble you deliberately tried to cause in an effort to suit your own selfish needs, with a complete disregard for the needs of others, including, but not limited to, your grandchild. And, uh, you know, NOT FUCKING DOING IT ANYMORE! But oh no. You're right. It's better to keep widening that gap, which is the size of the Grand fucking Canyon by now, with even more derision, delusion, and manipulation. You refuse to listen to him, which shows how little you care about him. That's why he's not coming back. He doesn't feel loved or supported. He feels used and abused. He never knew the difference before. He does now. Because that's not how genuine love works. It's not conditional and brimming with guilt. With a bunch of sycophantic praise piled on top to keep him strung out and on-edge. It's not full of lies and secrets. It's not creepy and inappropriate. You didn't want him getting help because you wanted him to remain helpless. To manipulate and control your little protege.
You don't get to treat people like absolute garbage, then wheedle around for sympathy from others, when those you abused don't want to talk to you anymore. Who told you it worked like that? Sounds a lot like emotional Munchausen's By Proxy. You go around deliberately acting nasty and being abusive, and when those you abused get fed up and tell you to fuck off, you then get all sorts of attention and sympathy from family, friends, or basically anyone who will listen to your self-inflicted, bogus tales of woe about how your son is an ungrateful asshole because his wife brainwashed him not to love you. Yeah, that sounds plausible. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with your own shitty, narcissistic, crazed behavior that caused him to turn to substance abuse and sex addiction in the first place, long before I ever knew him, lady. Nope! That's too logical! And as much as I think your husband is a sexist, selfish asshole who should have been there for his son instead of up his own ass; I sure see why he wanted to go to the bar every night to get drunk! You're fucking nuts, lady. No one could handle that shit. There are Buddhist monks that would crack under your regime. Yikes! Your son didn't stand a chance.
Merle Haggard- Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down
Also, how could EVERY FUCKING GIRL he's ever dated be wrong for him? Every last one. Your dysfunctional family was the only constant within all of those relationships, the girlfriends were the variables. You all were the common denominators, not me. So, how could this be all my fault, when you had problems with every single person he dated? You bad mouthed every one of them, to me, in person. Sometimes when we would go to the zoo, or Greenfield Village, or other times at the botanical gardens on Belle Isle, or on one of your outings to the thrift store you'd drag me along to. Yeah, remember all those activities? He said you never did any of those things with the "other" girlfriends. I have to wonder why that is. I asked him about it, he said it was because he was so excited about me that he told you guys that it was serious this time; really hyped it up. That was his first fucking mistake. He and I both thought you wanted to forge an actual friendship at first; he, because he didn't want to believe you were that awful and manipulative, and I, because I didn't fucking know any better. I didn't know any of you or the fucked-up dynamic I was walking into. But I do know now, it has been bullshit from jump street.
Uncle Tupelo- So-called Friend
I see now it was a subversive tactic, to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. You weren't exactly reinventing the wheel, but it sure fooled me, for a while. You should actually be ashamed of yourself. You aren't. But you should. All you guys do is take advantage of people for your own personal gain. Chris has done it to me so many times. I see where he gets it from. The rotten apple doesn't fall far from the demented tree. You have no fucking feelings, conscience or remorse. It's like you're these soul-sucking, callous robots. Everything you do is clunky and loud. You're not expert con men. You're amateurs who take emotional advantage of cornered people in sensitive situations. You are just grasp-at-straws, two-bit hustlers, letting your feelings get in the way of success every god damned time. That's how you ended up in the position you are in now.
Sublime- Foolish Fool (Acoustic)
Merle Haggard- Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down
Also, how could EVERY FUCKING GIRL he's ever dated be wrong for him? Every last one. Your dysfunctional family was the only constant within all of those relationships, the girlfriends were the variables. You all were the common denominators, not me. So, how could this be all my fault, when you had problems with every single person he dated? You bad mouthed every one of them, to me, in person. Sometimes when we would go to the zoo, or Greenfield Village, or other times at the botanical gardens on Belle Isle, or on one of your outings to the thrift store you'd drag me along to. Yeah, remember all those activities? He said you never did any of those things with the "other" girlfriends. I have to wonder why that is. I asked him about it, he said it was because he was so excited about me that he told you guys that it was serious this time; really hyped it up. That was his first fucking mistake. He and I both thought you wanted to forge an actual friendship at first; he, because he didn't want to believe you were that awful and manipulative, and I, because I didn't fucking know any better. I didn't know any of you or the fucked-up dynamic I was walking into. But I do know now, it has been bullshit from jump street.
Uncle Tupelo- So-called Friend
I see now it was a subversive tactic, to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. You weren't exactly reinventing the wheel, but it sure fooled me, for a while. You should actually be ashamed of yourself. You aren't. But you should. All you guys do is take advantage of people for your own personal gain. Chris has done it to me so many times. I see where he gets it from. The rotten apple doesn't fall far from the demented tree. You have no fucking feelings, conscience or remorse. It's like you're these soul-sucking, callous robots. Everything you do is clunky and loud. You're not expert con men. You're amateurs who take emotional advantage of cornered people in sensitive situations. You are just grasp-at-straws, two-bit hustlers, letting your feelings get in the way of success every god damned time. That's how you ended up in the position you are in now.
Sublime- Foolish Fool (Acoustic)
You now treat his wife and daughter like they don't exist. (After the manipulation/trickery, then the garbage treatment didn't work.) Yeah, that's not going to work either. We are his family. Fucking chew on that. You try to separate him from the herd in an effort to lure him back into your fold(s). He had that. He wanted out and he got out. He doesn't want back in. He doesn't want to be accepted back into the family "with open arms." Especially if that means he leaves his wife and daughter behind. You really don't get it, do you? The messages aren't being received. Someone in that twisted brain of yours is censoring your mail. He doesn't want a relationship with you because it is *awful.* He's not torn. He's relieved. Do you understand? Fucking relieved!!! That level of dysfunction, the narcissism, the emotional incest: it all took a devastating toll on him and in turn my daughter and I. He doesn't want that gross inappropriateness. What person in their right mind would? ( Another reason to keep him on drugs, right?!)
Tom Waits- House Where Nobody Lives
I know he allowed you to believe it was me, (as was your knee-jerk reaction, as to not have to take responsibility for your dirty deeds) for a time, so he could come out smelling like a rose too, get sympathy from you, whilst not really have to deal with you; guilt-free. It was the best of all possible worlds for him. He definitely played a role in this breakdown, no question. He was just following the long-standing family tradition. You were all manipulating and scamming each other, simultaneously and continually. Which is kind of fucking hilarious. And fucking pathetic. You can keep trying to blame me, but you know damn well it wasn't me. That's why the family mouthpiece is conspicuously silent this time around. You are the villains. And you have been from the start, I just didn't know it then. He told me he couldn't go back even if he wanted to, because he can't unsee the things he's seen. He can't recover the things he's uncovered. I see why you didn't want him digging around in his brain for answers. Why you'd rather teach him to pretend and hold all his emotions in; so you could do whatever you wanted to him without fear of reprisal. It's pretty hard to "brainwash" a forty year old man, set in his ways. But it's a hell of a lot easier to brainwash an impressionable child starved for love and affection. So it seems rather interesting that's the accusation you keep throwing my way. Textbook projection.
Tom Waits- A Good Man is Hard to Find
This vilification is also getting you no where. It's actually impeding any type of progress. I didn't start one fucking part of this. And I'm not taking the blame for your son or any of you. Fuck that and fuck you for trying to pin this on me. I'm not your fucked-up family's scapegoat. I was quiet for a while, because I just wanted to be left alone. And the best way to beat a manipulator or a shit-starter is to completely deny access. But you just wouldn't fucking quit. You kept on trying to fuck with me, you kept right on fucking with your son any way you could, and you thought using my daughter as a pawn to tug at the heartstrings of those around me was going to get you somewhere, other than burning in hell. That was a mistake. Fucking huge. You want to keep talking trash, then I guess I'm just going to have to take to the bully pulpit. I'm not going to let you break up my family. To make us miserable like you. I'm not going to let you spread your filthy cover-up lies to everyone to make me look like the villain and you like some pitiable martyr anymore.
Ry Cooder- Waitin' For Some Girl
You should have left us alone. Instead you decided to continue your reign of terror. You don't care about that son you purport to miss so much. You just care about yourself. He's not missing out on some great relationship with you. You're the ones missing out on a relationship with him. He can breathe for the first time in his life. Your madness sucks all the oxygen out of the room. You're completely out of your mind; totally irrational. And no one can deal rationally with an irrational lunatic. You were given chances to make this right, and you chose to talk out of both sides of your mouth instead. You chose to double-down on the guilt and manipulation, instead of making some sort of concerted effort or even keeping your word. You chose to believe you were more deserving than everyone; that your happiness was paramount, so you didn't need to take into account the words your son or I spoke to you. You chose to put on that tired song-and-dance act, instead of taking a hard look at yourself to see how to improve the situation. You chose to deny his feelings, not to mention mine, and to deny the truth, so you could keep up this charade that provides you with that sympathy you crave so deeply. That shows there is no fixing this. That shit is on you. You fucked up, repeatedly. I tried. He eventually tried. You didn't try. No one else tried. Simple. Simple. Simple.
John Lennon- Gimme Some Truth
I'm fed up with your bullshit. I have been for a long time. Chris has been for years, but only recently did he have the strength to do anything about it. Why should he keep subjecting himself to your abuses? I can't respect people like you because you don't respect anyone but yourself. You think somehow, you are more deserving than everyone else. And you're an especially egregious offender because you wrap it all up on this 'wronged little old lady' package to not only get away with these depraved offenses, but to suck up all the sympathy you can scrounge, for the (deserved) backlash that eventually befalls you. What a load of horseshit.
Lucinda Williams- Price to Pay
Bottom line: you weren't on board with Chris' life choices so you staged a mutiny. You didn't want him getting sober, you didn't want him getting married, you didn't want him having a family of his own, you didn't want me moving in with him. (Or anyone) At weast not without askwing his mommy fwirst... So you decided to mutiny. But your coup attempt backfired. You lost. You were made to walk the plank instead of me. Now I'm sure you're sore from all that water you've had to tread and the sun baking your sagging skin, but mutineers aren't allowed back on board. Sorry. Those are the rules. The trust has been obliterated. You swung for the fences, but you struck out. That's the way the cookie crumbles. There is no taking it like a gentleman, I suppose. How many more metaphors crammed into this will it take to get you to fucking understand? But really, I'm foolish to think that a crazed, egomaniacal mutineer would have any ethics to begin with. Let alone ones to fall back on in the face of an embarrassing defeat.
Warren Zevon- Mutineer
I also find it particularly piquant that you bitch and bitch about Chris not talking to you, but when he does try to communicate with you, you shut him down at every turn. You try to cut him off, or interrupt; never bothering to listen. Or you simply just ignore him. He'll send you emails or texts, and all he gets back is radio silence. You've got some damn nerve. Go fuck yourself, lady. He's poured his heart out to you many times; you didn't even think twice about double-crossing him. "Fuck him for not kissing my ass for all that I did for him, right?" But it's really more about the stuff you did to him, not for him. And it's certainly not about what he "should" be doing for you, and according to you. In general, people tend to not like to be around people that are miserable sons-of-bitches all the time. It makes them feel shitty, and they don't like it, so they tend to avoid situations and people that make them feel that way. That's why guilt is employed; it's the only way to keep them coming back for more abuse. It's just sort of a natural pattern I've observed. Consider it a helpful tip from me to you. And stop lamely acting surprised that this happened. It's fucking stupid. It is the obvious result of that kind of self-serving, depraved, and greedy behavior.
Jonathan Richman- You Can't Talk to the Dude
Tom Waits- A Good Man is Hard to Find
This vilification is also getting you no where. It's actually impeding any type of progress. I didn't start one fucking part of this. And I'm not taking the blame for your son or any of you. Fuck that and fuck you for trying to pin this on me. I'm not your fucked-up family's scapegoat. I was quiet for a while, because I just wanted to be left alone. And the best way to beat a manipulator or a shit-starter is to completely deny access. But you just wouldn't fucking quit. You kept on trying to fuck with me, you kept right on fucking with your son any way you could, and you thought using my daughter as a pawn to tug at the heartstrings of those around me was going to get you somewhere, other than burning in hell. That was a mistake. Fucking huge. You want to keep talking trash, then I guess I'm just going to have to take to the bully pulpit. I'm not going to let you break up my family. To make us miserable like you. I'm not going to let you spread your filthy cover-up lies to everyone to make me look like the villain and you like some pitiable martyr anymore.
Ry Cooder- Waitin' For Some Girl
You should have left us alone. Instead you decided to continue your reign of terror. You don't care about that son you purport to miss so much. You just care about yourself. He's not missing out on some great relationship with you. You're the ones missing out on a relationship with him. He can breathe for the first time in his life. Your madness sucks all the oxygen out of the room. You're completely out of your mind; totally irrational. And no one can deal rationally with an irrational lunatic. You were given chances to make this right, and you chose to talk out of both sides of your mouth instead. You chose to double-down on the guilt and manipulation, instead of making some sort of concerted effort or even keeping your word. You chose to believe you were more deserving than everyone; that your happiness was paramount, so you didn't need to take into account the words your son or I spoke to you. You chose to put on that tired song-and-dance act, instead of taking a hard look at yourself to see how to improve the situation. You chose to deny his feelings, not to mention mine, and to deny the truth, so you could keep up this charade that provides you with that sympathy you crave so deeply. That shows there is no fixing this. That shit is on you. You fucked up, repeatedly. I tried. He eventually tried. You didn't try. No one else tried. Simple. Simple. Simple.
John Lennon- Gimme Some Truth
I'm fed up with your bullshit. I have been for a long time. Chris has been for years, but only recently did he have the strength to do anything about it. Why should he keep subjecting himself to your abuses? I can't respect people like you because you don't respect anyone but yourself. You think somehow, you are more deserving than everyone else. And you're an especially egregious offender because you wrap it all up on this 'wronged little old lady' package to not only get away with these depraved offenses, but to suck up all the sympathy you can scrounge, for the (deserved) backlash that eventually befalls you. What a load of horseshit.
Lucinda Williams- Price to Pay
Bottom line: you weren't on board with Chris' life choices so you staged a mutiny. You didn't want him getting sober, you didn't want him getting married, you didn't want him having a family of his own, you didn't want me moving in with him. (Or anyone) At weast not without askwing his mommy fwirst... So you decided to mutiny. But your coup attempt backfired. You lost. You were made to walk the plank instead of me. Now I'm sure you're sore from all that water you've had to tread and the sun baking your sagging skin, but mutineers aren't allowed back on board. Sorry. Those are the rules. The trust has been obliterated. You swung for the fences, but you struck out. That's the way the cookie crumbles. There is no taking it like a gentleman, I suppose. How many more metaphors crammed into this will it take to get you to fucking understand? But really, I'm foolish to think that a crazed, egomaniacal mutineer would have any ethics to begin with. Let alone ones to fall back on in the face of an embarrassing defeat.
Warren Zevon- Mutineer
I also find it particularly piquant that you bitch and bitch about Chris not talking to you, but when he does try to communicate with you, you shut him down at every turn. You try to cut him off, or interrupt; never bothering to listen. Or you simply just ignore him. He'll send you emails or texts, and all he gets back is radio silence. You've got some damn nerve. Go fuck yourself, lady. He's poured his heart out to you many times; you didn't even think twice about double-crossing him. "Fuck him for not kissing my ass for all that I did for him, right?" But it's really more about the stuff you did to him, not for him. And it's certainly not about what he "should" be doing for you, and according to you. In general, people tend to not like to be around people that are miserable sons-of-bitches all the time. It makes them feel shitty, and they don't like it, so they tend to avoid situations and people that make them feel that way. That's why guilt is employed; it's the only way to keep them coming back for more abuse. It's just sort of a natural pattern I've observed. Consider it a helpful tip from me to you. And stop lamely acting surprised that this happened. It's fucking stupid. It is the obvious result of that kind of self-serving, depraved, and greedy behavior.
Jonathan Richman- You Can't Talk to the Dude
We are a family unit. We actually love each other. Despite everything. Most of the time we just make dumb jokes, laugh, and snuggle on the couch. It's not a big heap of bullshit like with you all. There isn't a bunch of creepy secrets we have to dance around, so we can actually relax. That's why honesty is the best policy. Cheesy as that phrase is, those after-school specials were right! Most of our problems stem from Chris' lifelong abuse. Dealing with him and his insecurities is a full-time job. He needs real love, but he also needs brutal honesty. Neither of those you could provide for him. He likes to take, take, take, but all he does is hem and haw when it comes to giving. It's like he isn't fully formed, just like a boy. I feel very weird having to teach him things that my parents taught me when I was like five.
Leo Sayer- Giving It All Away
He is like this wounded bird I am responsible for because he has attached himself to me. He's like this pitiable pain-in-the-ass that I have to take care of. I feel responsible for his well-being because I was the one that disillusioned him. And because he is the father of my child, and she doesn't deserve to have her father be emotionally distant or bankrupt. I feel like he would be mince meat, back there, in that seedy world. He has no coping skills other than getting high in an effort to forget and pretend like things are fine. His coping skills consisted of smoke, mirrors, and self-puffery. Now he has to deal with his emotions straight up, and it's an agonizing ride. Because he doesn't have many healthy coping mechanisms, I think anger or fear take over, most of the time. He really was terrified of you that day in the Village. He wanted to hide in that CVS, not me. But I went along with it because I didn't want to push him. He wasn't ready to confront you, so we just disengaged. Dolly doesn't need to be a part of that, anyway. I don't want my daughter around a bunch of lying, selfish, delusional pricks. They make for shit role-models. And I don't want to be around that horseshit either. You keep right on lying to yourselves, and anyone within earshot, but it's not going to get you out of this mess. Keep beating that tired drum, because you sure are drawing a lot of attention to yourselves, exposing yourselves even further. There is no contrition, so there is no forgiveness.
Lyle Lovett- God Will
Leo Sayer- Giving It All Away
He is like this wounded bird I am responsible for because he has attached himself to me. He's like this pitiable pain-in-the-ass that I have to take care of. I feel responsible for his well-being because I was the one that disillusioned him. And because he is the father of my child, and she doesn't deserve to have her father be emotionally distant or bankrupt. I feel like he would be mince meat, back there, in that seedy world. He has no coping skills other than getting high in an effort to forget and pretend like things are fine. His coping skills consisted of smoke, mirrors, and self-puffery. Now he has to deal with his emotions straight up, and it's an agonizing ride. Because he doesn't have many healthy coping mechanisms, I think anger or fear take over, most of the time. He really was terrified of you that day in the Village. He wanted to hide in that CVS, not me. But I went along with it because I didn't want to push him. He wasn't ready to confront you, so we just disengaged. Dolly doesn't need to be a part of that, anyway. I don't want my daughter around a bunch of lying, selfish, delusional pricks. They make for shit role-models. And I don't want to be around that horseshit either. You keep right on lying to yourselves, and anyone within earshot, but it's not going to get you out of this mess. Keep beating that tired drum, because you sure are drawing a lot of attention to yourselves, exposing yourselves even further. There is no contrition, so there is no forgiveness.
Lyle Lovett- God Will
Post Script:
The funniest part of all this, to me, is your cheap tactic of claiming I'm the "real" manipulator. Boy, it just stinks to high hell. Because that would mean, I've pulled off some sort of long-form con that is nothing short of genius. Because I have texts, and emails, and time-stamped Facebook conversations from so many of the incidents. It would have taken this immense and brilliant forethought to have been able to dream all that up, set the stories into motion at just the right times, then cover my tracks by talking to friends about it over text or FB messenger. By telling the exact same story, at the proper time, to my therapist, my doctor, and my parents. Just so I could have an extensive and damning paper trail, replete with first-hand reports from healthcare professionals. All while "brainwashing" your impeccably-raised, supremely intelligent son, somehow, inexplicably defying his wonderfulness with my nefarious brilliance and allure. Do you understand the magnitude and scale of something like that? And, I would have had to pull it off all by myself. That would make me some kind of evil mastermind, to which a lot of fucking credit would be due. I mean if I did all that, could a fascist dictatorship be far behind? Why I am wasting these illuminating and intricate skills on just being a stay-at-home mom? When I could be taking over the world!!! Or maybe, just maybe, the shit really did go down this way; I'm telling the truth, and you guys really are just fucking lying, conniving assholes. My money is on the latter. Especially seeing as how I had zero motive to do any of this. There is no money, no power nor fame. There isn't even anything masquerading as love to be gained. But you and your family certainly have a motive for causing trouble and lying. You also have a history of this pattern of behavior, not only with your son's previous relationships and marriage, but your brothers' marriages too. You cut this problem out of whole cloth. You created this rift with your hysterical flailing. You're not pinning this on me or him, no matter how hard you try. Ironically, in an effort to hide what fruitcakes you actually are, you have this hilarious tendency to make yourselves look even more insane. Nobody wants to listen to your shit, anymore, least of all, your son.
The Casinos- Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye
