The hardest part about my dad being gone is knowing how much joy he would have felt from watching Dolly grow up, seeing all the things she learns, and from just being around her and her ebullience. It hurts my heart for him and for her. She could have learned so much from him and felt such unconditional love, in a way that only a person with that much conviction could give. I try to compensate for that the best I can, but it's not the same. She lost her grandpa even earlier than I did. But, the most surprising part about him being gone is the loneliness I feel, because he was just about the only person on earth that understood my brain; as his functioned in the exact same way. I didn't constantly have to over-explain myself or my ideas because he just automatically *got* them. It was nice to not feel like such an alien all the time. It's the combination of kinship and friendship that I miss the most.
Most of the time I don't know what to do with myself, how to deal with him not being around, because there is nothing I can do to change that. The philosophy: where there's a will, there's a way, sort of hits a wall in these circumstances. So, often I feel like I am just floating out at sea, and the only thing to pull me back is Dolly and her comedic antics.
I try to embark on creative endeavors to keep some semblance of sanity, but I don't always have the motivation to do so. Here is a playlist for my dad, who knew more about music than anyone I know. He always was humming some old-timey song that I never heard of, music that has been sort of lost to history. These are a handful of songs that remind me of him.
This is a song my dad used to sing to me all the time while he was cooking at his restaurant.
Fats Domino- Jambalaya
This particular song my dad would whistle often. I had never heard it in its entirety until I was an adult, when I figured out it was this he was whistling. There's something sort of lovely about this song, the melody itself is inviting.
Kyu Sakamoto- Sukiyaki
Oh, this song. It will get stuck in your head, whether you like it or not. My dad would sing this a lot, so I guess it just sort of grew on me, but I'm still not sure if I even like it. I think you will see what I mean when you give it a listen.
Bobby Rydell- Wildwood Days
My father was certainly sentimental, and a hopeless romantic, while my mother, not so much. She is more practical in that sense, so they made quite a funny pair. While my father and I would cry at some sad scene in a movie, my mom would be laughing, mostly at us, for being so sappy. As much of a tough guy as my father was, and boy was he tough, his heart was pure gold. And he loved a schmaltzy song.
Cher- Alfie (theme from the motion picture)
Cilla Black- Alfie (Burt Bacharach version)
This next tune was actually my parent's wedding song, because of course it would be. Those of you who knew my father understand why...
The Love Theme from the Godfather
Bob Dylan and Prince were the only two artists my parents ever agreed upon, and Blood on the Tracks was probably a favorite for both. My dad loved telling stories, so I think that's why he particularly enjoyed this song so much. He appreciated good story-telling, and certainly taught me how to appreciate too.
Bob Dylan- Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts
(It's an outtakes version because that's all that is available on YouTube.)
Here's another sentimental song my dad would always be singing around the house, that is never heard much anymore.
Jerry Wallace- Primrose Lane
Louis Prima was one of my dad's favorite musicians. We listened to every record Louis Prima ever made, many times over. I still know all the words to those songs. And as the story goes, Louis Prima sent a trunk of baby clothes to my grandparents when my father was born, as he was good friends with my grandpa back in his boot-legging days.
Louis Prima- Oh Marie
Glenn Miller's Moonlight Serenade will always remind me of Sunday dinners at our house, where my dad was always cooking steaks with zip sauce and Bernaise, with this playing in the background
Glenn Miller Orchestra- Pennsylvania 6-5000
After those dinners, the whole family would often take a ride down to Jefferson Beach Marina and walk around the lake and look at all the boats with these songs as the soundtrack.
The Platters- Twilight Time
The Edsels- Rama Lama Ding Dong
Wayne Newton- Red Roses for a Blue Lady
Bobby Darin- Beyond the Sea
The first movie I ever saw at the movie theater was BeetleJuice, with my dad. I was around four years old, and I already loved weird stuff, so Tim Burton suited my tastes. And my parents never really being ones for censorship didn't mind what I watched or listened to for the most part, so I my dad took me to see this movie. After the movie, the small theater lobby was crowded with people exiting the movie, and my dad was getting nervous about me being in the crowd, so he put me up on his shoulders and navigated us through the throngs. This song reminds me of that time.
Harry Belafonte- Jump in the Line
And speaking of movies, the only movie we ever went to see as an entire family was Goodfellas when I was in first grade. It's still one of my fondest memories. It wasn't just entertainment; it was educational! Here's my favorite song from the film, which always makes me think of my dad.
The Moonglows- The Ten Commandments of Love
My dad was the most nostalgic person I've ever met. He even subscribed to a magazine called "Reminisce,'' which was mostly old photos from the 40's and 50's and readers lamenting about the 'good old days.' He was really from an era that just doesn't seem to exist anymore. He helped me so much with Dolly when she was born. I was going through a severe case of post-partum depression that no one but my mom and dad seemed to pick up on. Dolly hated being put down for even a couple minutes, she wanted to be constantly held or she would scream her head off, so my Dad would walk her around the kitchen, endlessly. They must have logged a couple of miles a day. And as he would walk her around, cradling her like she was a precious jewel, he would sing this song to her. Another song lost to the annals of time.
The Mills Brothers- Cab Driver
