Merry Fuckin' Christmas: A Playlist for the Disenchanted Scrooge

What is Christmas really?  But a series of self-inflicted disappointments, a heap of maddening family obligations, and a stocking full of artificially flocked memories.  It is shoveling snow, eating lukewarm buffet food, seeing people you'd never associate with otherwise, and wishing you were somewhere warmer.  Like a red-and-green tinseled personal Hell.

And as if Christmas could get any tackier, more commercialized or secular.  Going into credit card debt, standing in long lines, and wrestling your neighbor over an off-brand flatscreen.  Being general fuckfaces every other day of the year.  That is truly the 'war on Christmas.'  But nobody bats an eyelash at that.  We all want more.  But God forbid somebody wishes someone else, "Happy Holidays," instead of "Merry Christmas."  People should be thankful for any well-wishes at all.  Because they can just as easily get a "Fuck off," or an "Up yours!" if that better tickles their delicate, little, hot-house orchid fancy.  People up-in-arms about Starbucks cups that aren't Christmas-y enough.  A string of vitriolic, racist comments about Mall of America's decision to hire one black Santa Claus.  These are the same morons who think Jesus was white.  For fuck's sake.  It must be nice to lead such a privileged and charmed life that some manner of season's greeting is all somebody's got to bitch about.  People hate shit like that because it completely negates real people's suffering.  And it makes them look like big, whiny assholes.  It's tone-deaf and unbearable.  People are such pricks.

So here is my humble contribution to the 'War On Christmas.'  Because it's not really Christmas until one family member yells at another, "Merry fucking Christmas!"  Shove this up your chimney and smoke it.

The Ramones- Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight)

Julian Casablancas- I Wish It Was Christmas Today

The Dropkick Murphys- The Season's Upon Us

The Sex Pistols- Jingle Bells

Bob Dylan- Must Be Santa

Asylum Street Spankers- Trim Your Tree

Clarence Carter- Backdoor Santa

Unknown Hinson- Black and Blue Christmas

Iron Maiden- Another Rock and Roll Christmas

Dio- God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Lemmy Kilmister- Run Run Rudolph

Twisted Sister- Oh Come All Ye Faithful

AC/DC- Mistress for Christmas

Guns N' Roses- White Christmas

Husker Du- We Wish You A Merry Christmas

Half Man Half Biscuit- It's Cliched to be Cynical at Christmas

The Eels- Everything's Going to be Cool This Christmas

The Flaming Lips- Christmas at the Zoo

The Pogues- Fairytale of New York

Queen- Thank God It's Christmas

Greg Lake- I Believe in Father Christmas

Mud- Lonely This Christmas

Robert Earl Keen- Merry Christmas From The Family

Dolly Parton- Hard Candy Christmas

Tom Waits- Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis

Livin's Mostly Wastin' Time: A Playlist for the Quixotic

Here are some tunes for the quixotic, the moody, the sullen and forlorn.  Music for those that know the sting of unrequited love or the icy wind of loneliness, as well as a tender, lover's kiss.  A playlist for those that dwell in the sentimental underbelly of heartbreak and jade.  These are songs for those who prefer their romance viewed through a haze of smoke. For the dark and lachrymose; the prurient night-junkies.

Livin's Mostly Just Wastin' Time Playlist

Tom Waits- Falling Down
Thelonious Monster- Adios Lounge   (Bob Kuhn)
Cranford Nix- A Heart That Ain't Ever Been Pure
The Cramps- Lonesome Town   (Ricky Nelson)
Lou Reed- Perfect Day
Ry Cooder- Waitin' For Some Girl
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers- The Wild One, Forever
Nick Curran & The Lowlifes- Psycho
Hank 3 Ft. Tom Waits- Fadin' Moon
Nick Cave- Do You Love Me
Jimmie Dale Gilmore- Because the Wind
Roy Orbison- In Dreams
Lyle Lovett- L.A. County 
Leon Russel- Pisces Apple Lady
Jimmie Dale Gilmore- Braver Newer World
Guy Clark- Broken Hearted People
Lyle Lovett- Step Inside This House   (Guy Clark)
Gogol Bordello- Through the Roof 'n' Underground
Warren Zevon- Hostage-O
Drive-By Truckers- Carl Perkins Cadillac
The Ramones- S-L-U-G
Chuck E. Weiss- Horseface
Tom Waits- Danny Says   (The Ramones)
The Ramones- I Don't Want to Grow Up  (Tom Waits)
Jeff Bridges- I Don't Know
Jeff Bridges & The Abiders- Never Let Go   (Tom Waits)
Townes Van Zandt- To Live Is To Fly
Hank Williams Sr. - Ramblin' Man
Uncle Tupelo- Whiskey Bottle (Acoustic version)
Them- It's All Over Now, Baby Blue   (Bob Dylan)
Tom Waits- Who Are You
Thin Lizzy- Whiskey in the Jar
Dire Straits- Expresso Love
Ween- Gabrielle
The Pogues- Fairytale of New York
Warren Zevon- I Need A Truck
Warren Zevon- Accidentally Like A Martyr
Dr. Hook- Sylvia's Mother   (Shel Silverstein)
The Flaming Lips- Yoshimi Battle The Pink Robots Pt. 1
Dan Zanes & Broken Social Scene- Jack Tar On Shore
The Band- Atlantic City (Live)
Johnny Cash- Solitary Man  (Neil Diamond)
Jerry Jeff Walker- Leavin' Texas
Steely Dan- Dr. Wu
Guy Clark- L.A. Freeway
Chris Isaak- Cheater's Town