A Faraway Notion

I keep searching the faces in the crowd, but I can never quite come upon you. There is something to be said about effortlessness, simultaneously at ease and exhilarated, the perfect amount of tenderness and depravity. We made it seem so easy, so natural, but yet it only added to the dynamic tension, constantly building up, but never boiling over. I remember the air to be so thick and stifling, it enveloped us, suspending us on an ethereal plane, that we could never know. Is that all there is to hope for, one intense fiery passion that burns so hot and fast, melting everything in its path, leaving nothing but cinder and memory? All that exists now is a cruel tease, where I hang on your every word, like a foolish, mesmerized child. Knowing it so close that I could almost reach out and touch, but it continues to elude my grasp, making me desire it all the more. Though my emotion is crushing and lovely, do I really want to discover what is behind the curtain? Maybe the fantasy is more poignant than reality. My world remains humorless despite my best efforts.

Bittersweet: That's right, an enitre blog post devoted to ramblings about Bob Seger

Recently, Bob Seger announced he was going back on tour, of course hitting his hometown crowd. My first instincts were to immediately nab tickets using any means necessary, punching, stealing, whatever deplorable form of human behavior it took. But upon further contemplation, I wondered if I shouldn't go at all. Would it ruin some imaginary, far-away image I've held in my head for so long? An image of long brunette hair swaying to the beat, dark full beard and youthful aura. Not a graying old man with a paunch and glasses. It is one of the pitfalls of liking music 40 years too late, you never get to experience it in its prime. It is sad to see an aging musician that you know once was great. On the Grammy's a few weeks ago, Mick Jagger performed and it was a little painful. It was Mick Jagger, so it was still cool, but you could tell his voice wasn't what it was once was, cracking and panting. Now it didn't really shatter any illusions I'd had about the Rolling Stones, because I never had any illusions to shatter. (And The Stones have been a mainstay on the concert circuit and never far from the public eye.) But Bob Seger on the other hand, is an entirely different matter. I've had an unrequited love affair with Seger's music since I was 6 and would play "Old Time Rock and Roll" on 45 in my basement. I've since expanded my Seger collection to something a little more substantial, but it was a good place to start. I just wonder if seeing him, in person would somehow muddy the deeply personal experiences I've already had with and to his music.

My mother was a suburban hippie in her day and I guess that must have been embedded in my faded, embroidered genes somewhere. We would listen to classic rock stations in the car on the way to anywhere and she would sing and bop along to the music. It just seeped in to my subconscious. It became a defining part of me, my love of music. It is something I have a deep interest in, not just a casual fan; an ardent fanatic. I love music for it's incredible ability to make you feel. I can be brought to tears or laugh hysterically and every emotion in between. It can instantly change your mood or it can suit the mood you are in already. Music, hands down, has to be mankind's crowning achievement. It is so powerful and can reach so many. You realize that there are other people out there going through what you are going through, and you don't have to feel so singular. You can identify with them and take a little comfort in that.

Bob Seger came into the forefront of my musical repertoire during my angst ridden teenage years, where I inevitably rebelled. Seger's music is filled with themes about escaping, just getting the hell out, hitting the road, feeling free. Things, I think a lot of people could relate to, but in my case it was very specific. My parents weren't around a lot because they worked long and odd hours to provide for my brother and I, so we were left with my paternal grandmother, who as succinctly as I can put this, wasn't a very nice person. I was mentally and emotionally abused by her. (Of course at the time I didn't know the terminology, I just knew she was awful, but how awful, manipulative, and calculating, I wouldn't find out until much later. I feel the need to note, I am glossing over a lot of pain here.) My parents didn't really know half of what went on and a lot of times she would put on a big act in front of them anyway, so it didn't really matter. So by the time I got old enough to know I didn't have to take that shit anymore, I was ready to rebel. In what way, I had no idea, but music was a good escape. I had these desperate fantasies where I would get in the car and just start driving, driving to anywhere, anywhere that wasn't home. Seger's music was the perfect soundtrack to that idea; songs like "Roll Me Away" or "Hollywood Nights." It was the closest I could get to actually leaving. And so my love of Bob Seger's music grew greater still.

As I was getting to be a legal adult in age, so I felt I was getting to be an adult emotionally as well. I was 18, knew everything and couldn't be told what to do for a minute. It was my second rebellious spurt (one of many, I've found) and I wasn't going to squander it. I filled it with new experiences and thrill-seeking behaviors, the likes of which, I fear, will never be rivaled. I came of age that summer, to put it delicately. And once again, Bob Seger's music led the soundtrack of my life; "Turn the Page", "You'll Accompany Me," and especially "Night Moves." I remember the night moves too.
"We were just young and restless and bored/Living by the sword/And we'd steal away every chance we could/To the backroom, the alley, the trusty woods/I used her she used me/But neither one cared/We were getting our share."
This particular lyric pretty much sums it up for me. It's beautifully poetic in it's simplicity. It captures an exact moment in my life so perfectly that I don't think I could ever have improved upon it.

Then a few years later, I found myself not necessarily rebellious, but lost. I'd somehow managed to lose sight of myself, who I was at my very core, that person who was once so sure of herself, so confident, was no where to be seen. I was just sort of floating along, with no real purpose or direction. I needed something to connect me to my former self. That's when I found "Stranger in Town." I think Seger's most accomplished and undervalued album. He had a few hits on it of course, one of which was none other than "Old Time Rock and Roll", but it was the ones I'd never heard before that were so much more intriguing. They weren't just novel, they were masterful, exciting and full of energy. "Feel Like a Number" is not just an up-tempo dance tune, it's wholly relatable to anyone whoever felt like just another face in the crowd, no one important, just background, and wanted to bust out of their little world. "Brave Strangers" is another B-side that deserves recognition. It is very reminiscent of "Night Moves" but doesn't have the emotional attachment needed for me to elevate a song from great to part of me. Maybe some day it will. I don't mind staying hungry though. There is something fantastic about insatiability, it can really motivate. Though this album didn't have the emotionality I so fervently seek in my music it did help me get back on track to rediscovering myself. It took a while, years even, but I feel like I am getting most of myself back. It is an ongoing challenge. I don't feel as unrecognizable as before.

Listening to his music still has an effect on me. I find myself smiling, or remembering, sometimes I realize my cheek is wet and stained with tears. It makes me elated and devastated, and more often than not, all at the same time. The great thing about these songs is no matter what changes take place all around me, they are still going to be those same lyrics, those same notes; they remain a constant in chaos. There is a drawback to being so emotionally involved with any particular music. I tend to only listen to it when I want to feel those feelings and remember those times, which isn't that often. But when I do, I know those songs are there, ready and waiting for me to feel them. Again.

"They are often about people who are trying to find their way through a world that has proven more complex, challenging and perhaps even dangerous than they could have imagined. Innocence drains away, and what's left is a combination of knowledge, experience and an aching nostalgia for something that has been lost along the way and must be recovered. His characters cross a line, frequently without realizing it, like a car passing over an invisible borderline at night. By the time they figure out that they are no longer in the world they knew, that world is simply a receding image in the rear-view mirror. Getting back to it isn't always easy. Sometimes it's not possible." - Excerpt from a review of Bob Seger's music on his official website.
I cannot emphasize enough how this exactly describes the breadth of Bob Seger's work and the hard to finger emotion that comes along with it.