Beat It or An Exercise in Restraint

Me: Hola. This is [Redacted], you know, of song renown. I see you continue to feel the need to 'keep in touch' with my husband for whatever vainglorious reason. I should have confronted you when you first decided to pop up into our relationship, uninvited and unwanted. But I was trying to keep cool, amid your juvenile nonsense. What you did was really dirty and vile. Trying to make some melodramatic scene by flying back here. I didn't *steal* anything, I'll have you know. We met, by happenstance one night; he walked in to the bar I was at, invited to do a review of a concert there. He wouldn't stop staring at me with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. He stared so much, that I thought he must be foreign, as he didn't seem to understand American social customs. That was pretty much all it took. We started talking after the concert and he invited me to his house that night and we both already knew. Undeniable, animalistic magnetism. We were in love. It was that simple. He certainly didn't act attached. He asked me to marry him and move in with him pretty soon after. And then you came along, whining for attention. You came in and tried to fuck up my happiness, which I just can't take too kindly to. You didn't seem to care too much about him before, but once he found someone else then all of a sudden you felt the need to interject yourself. Really cool, man. Not transparent, at all. The thing is, I'm not even mad at you. You were just doing what is in your nature to do; act like a bratty, drama queen. I'm just mad at myself, for not stepping in and nipping this in the bud, sooner. I went against my nature and said nothing, when I should have expressed myself at the time. He doesn't need nor want you in his life. He lumps you in the category with all his old, erroneous exes. It's clear you were trying to extract some kind of creepy validation from him, last night. Why, I don't know. I have to tell you, it really doesn't have some grand meaning to him. It just doesn't. He looks at it all as a waste of time. Much of it is embarrassing to him, so he doesn't like to think about it. But his interpretation shouldn't have any effect on yours, unless you *need* his approval to have your own feelings and ideas. And yeah, I did leave a mean and hilarious comment about that stupid-ass "song." Which he thought was funny too. I also wrote a scathing blog piece inspired by you, that although, explicit and quite ruthless, was met with the searing endorsement from him you so desperately seek. Not that I cared what he thought of it. If the question is how did I do it, then the answer is, by being myself. By being authentic and different and rad. Instead of being the same, like all the other dizzy, lame twerps he'd known before. Keep out of our relationship, for real. You've already done enough.

Them:  Got it. Just trying to make some peace. Admitted to my wrong doings. Apologized. If you feel the need to be nasty and hurtful after three

Years, so be it. I just wanted to see that he was happy. We've all moved on. We're all adults. And to suggest that ANY relationship with

Anyone, negative or positive is erroneous, is really just dishonest. I'm sorry you heard that awful song. I know it probably felt gross

But it looks like you got your revenge (with your blog?) I'm sorry for "liking" your husband's status. I had no intention of opening this
Can of worms. I'm glad you both have each other. Truly.

Me: You only admitted to any wrongdoing after it was brought it up. Not exactly of your own accord. So, let's step off the high horse. You didn't just "like" his status days after he posted it. You wanted it to start a conversation; talk about disingenuous. You kept saying all you wanted is to know how he was doing. That's beyond just liking a post.

     I am being honest, if that happens to be 'nasty and hurtful', then so be it, but that's how I feel. And that's how he feels. He really was embarrassed by that song when I showed it to him. He felt it reflected poorly on him. He couldn't even listen to it all the way through. I actually thought it was pretty funny. I played it for my friends. We laughed about it. My friend said it best when she lamented, "Man, at least someone wrote a song about you. No one ever wrote a song about me."

     That's how I've felt for 3 and a half years. One good turn deserves another, I guess.

     And quite frankly, I don't care how you feel about he and I. Your opinion of our relationship is irrelevant. Your relationship with him is/was irrelevant, much to your dismay. It doesn't factor into anything at all. People with over-inflated egos the size of parade floats tend to not understand that they might not matter in every God damned thing, that they aren't the center of the universe, but it's true all the same. I'm writing this to you, for me. My inaction has grated at me since this all occurred. I feel the need to tell you what you did was shitty and the way you're acting now isn't too different either.

Me:  Just slink back into the woodwork from whence you came.

Them:  Yikes. You're a frightening person.

Me:  You got that right.

Them:  Congratulations.

Me:  Yeah, it's better to just take shit from people. That's the way.

Them:  Your blood pressure is probably higher than mine is right now

Me:  Ha. Or maybe I feel pretty good. Like relieved.

Them:  I'm glad you got all that out. I'm sure you feel better.

Me:  Yeah, I'm sure you do.

Me:  It's okay to go around acting like an ass, fucking with people's relationships, but it's not okay to call them out on it. I see.

Them:  I'm sorry, [Redacted]

I'm sorry I hurt you

I was naive and wanted closure.

Not an excuse. But still, it's what I was thinking at the time

I was wrong

I've been wanting to apologize for years

Me:  Yeah, I just don't buy that. Because you just would have already. Without prompting. You wanted closure, but it seems you didn't get it, because you contacted him several times after. I think you wanted a little more than closure. You wanted to involve yourself in something that no longer involved you. If I could go back and do it again, I would have talked to you face-to-face, woman-to-woman. Which I think would have benefited all parties involved. Instead, I trusted people around me, that I shouldn't have. I went against what I felt in my heart was the right thing, and it had a monumental cost. It's never felt quite right since. Because I didn't do what I knew was the right thing. And that's on me. The apologies don't matter either, because it won't change the past. It only works to relieve you of some onus of responsibility, which I can't quite accept either. I never knew him or even of him before the night I met him. I never knew you or the other bit players in this farce either. It was all new to me. So, I was thrust into something unaware, while everyone else was playing out some antique storyline around me. That's what it felt like anyway. Like I said, you did what it was in your nature to do, I get it. It was still hurtful, but I understand it. That's why I'm honestly not mad at you. But I do have a couple years of bitter resentment and invective to burn off. I saw my chance, and I took it this time. The other players involved, were much more scheming, and that I won't ever understand. But you need to know what you did had a serious impact. But it doesn't matter all that much now, as long as you don't try to involve yourself anymore in our marriage. I hear California is really the most. Make the most of it. Take 'er easy.

Post Script: Is apathy really better than hate? Honestly? At least hate is human.  At least it is something as opposed to nothing.  It is presence as opposed to absence.  Apathy is for sociopaths and robots.  And feigned concern is for closeted sociopaths, i.e. textbook narcissists. Those dim troglodytes who feel they have learned all there is to know.  Gods among men, really.  Enlightening us all with their shadowy wisdom.  Faux-optimism, pseudo-intellectualism, misplaced sexuality, and the condemnation of any negative emotion.  That's the ultimate delusion.  Scoffing in the face of hundreds of thousands years of evolution because the cave-dwellers know best.  Don't be mad, don't be mean, don't hate...  It's like saying, 'don't feel half of your feelings.'  Hate is the misunderstood loner in the back of the class.  Hate wears a leather jacket and doesn't give a shit.  Hate is often confused with anger. But true hate is more latent, pervasive, and substantial.  Hate can be very passive.  Anger is aggressive; very active.  Hate usually takes the rap for ignorance or madness, but it's wildly different.  Hate's too cool to make its own case.  Hate just hangs around, smoking cigarettes, making flippant comments in between puffs.  Hate only steps in when absolutely necessary.  Hate can protect when used judiciously.  Hate can be very rational; frighteningly so.  Sometimes hate is warranted, but hate takes balls.  Hate isn't for everyone.  Hate is an acquired taste.

     If Artificial Intelligence exists in certain robots, does Artificial Stupidity (A.S.), or more accurately, Artificial Serial Stupidity (A.S.S.) exist in some android human models? Holographic humanoids with all the working parts, but no emotion nor intelligence of any kind.  No real sense of humanity.  These supposed humans fool many.

Post Post Script: The ruin we've caused forces the cool steel to my temple; the soft, mist-colored memories of those primrose days dares me to pull the trigger. We collect sadnesses like old baseball cards, gathering dust in the attic of our mind, waiting for them to be worth something someday. But do they ever really increase in value? Or do they just take up precious space...
The old piano melody refuses to leave, maybe I don't want it to. I held on so tightly, but it all slipped through my fingers, nonetheless.